Beginnings, endings and lessons learnt

It is the end today. But also the beginning.
The year taught me a lot. It has been one of the most important years of my life. The lessons of this year have been invaluable.
It taught me to let go. I showed me sorrow, it showed me pain, but it also showered me with love, abundance, joy, wealth, new opportunities and old souls who would never have come into my life, had I not created the mess I did.
Yes, 2009 was a year of unexpected twists and turns. I had to clear out the old before attracting the new. I had to learn the meaning of love, so I could learn the meaning of loss. And I had to learn about loss, before learning of the beauty of love.
It’s been a year I will never forget. A year of changes and surprises. A year of love.
A year which would never have been what it was if I wasn’t blessed with the souls who make up my family. And by family, I mean my soul family… Mum Dad, Za Anu, Noor, Traill, Bianca, Allan, Gladys, Sneaks, Tia, and who knows, who else. I'm sure there are still a few out there I haven't met yet.
I’m blessed, me.

Life's cycles

Ever wonder what people from your life do when they leave your life? Do they still giggle at nothing, playfight with the air, indulge in heavy Friday morning breakfasts, relish the planning of their next holiday? Or do they just turn into someone else and start doing things you’ve never seen them do. Like bungee jump off the mountains, or meditate in the ruins of a temple in an ancient Arabian land or take a walk through some of their past lives, adopt an animal… Do they still laugh from their middle, love from their hearts, get rid of their masks and step out brand new?
Because that’s what I think they do. See, I believe in people. I know we go on. We regenerate. We change skins, we adopt new faces, new bodies, new lifetimes, new loves, new people, new lands, new beginnings. We don’t end. Like the energy we’re made of, we transform into someone else. Someone that the people from our lives don’t know once they leave our lives. We become bigger. Better. Stronger.
There’s really no point wondering what people from your life do once they’re not in your life because you’ll never know about their transformation from an ugly duckling into a swan. You’ll never see them swan-dive off a bridge, or feel their vibration when they meditate in the ruins, or witness the powerful regeneration of their soul. How would you react to them then? Like you would to a stranger?

Hello nice to meet you... You remind of someone I used to know once, but no… you couldn’t possibly be. But hey! You do big breakfasts too? Nice. Jump off of mountains into nothingness below? Yeah, I once knew someone who had a similar dream... Doubt they’d ever have your kind of courage though. So anyway, nice to meet you Stranger. I wish you well. I will remember you because I feel like I know you somehow. And yet, of course I don’t... I used to know someone who would love to meet someone like you. Someone who deep within had the desire to live your life. But not your courage... Ah well. Be safe. Fly high.
And then they’d walk away from you, shaking their head in confusion. I swear I feel like I know this person, they’d be thinking. And they couldn’t be more right. Or more wrong.

And you? Would you realise you too were meeting someone who was once in your life? Wouldn’t they have evolved since they stopped being a part of your life? Because that’s how some of life’s biggest lessons are learnt. That’s how caterpillars grow beautiful multi-hued wings that they spread and fly away with when they metamorph into butterflies.
Those who chose to leave your life only entered it for a reason in the first place. The reason being to make you love them so much that them, and only them, would be the one to teach you some of your most invaluable life lessons. Pain is your biggest teacher. Without pain you’ll never truly understand what it feels like to be painfree. You’d never appreciate happy if you didn’t know sad. You wouldn’t recognize a good soul if you haven’t met a few bad ones.
Life’s lessons are strange. But they’re there for a reason. Just as the people in your life are. Just as those who left your life are. So what do they do once they leave your life? Will they ever be recognizable to you again? Maybe not. But does it even matter? You’re not recognizable to them either. And therein lies the beauty of it all. The eternal enigma of love, life, lessons and learning.

Love is

There’s more I need to say. To you, to them, to myself… But the words won’t do justice. I’m putting my feelings on the page instead. I hope you feel them, understand them.

Love can’t die. Contrary to what the spurned and heartbroken say, love cannot die. It’s physically impossible, in as much a way as love can be physical. But more often than not, love is an emotion, it’s a feeling, a thought, a knowing. It’s energy. It’s alive. And just because we can’t touch it, doesn’t mean it isn’t alive, right?

RIght Here, Right Now

If we only understood that time, that little nonexistant, illusionary wave sweeping over us, could make such a big difference, we'd endure it all, face every single hardship and heartbreak head on, because after all's said and done, time really is on our side. For every tear you've ever shed, time will bring you a smile, for every moment of panic you've suffered, time will replace it with joy, for every heartbreak, time will give you love. 
Yes, time plays its games. But who doesn't? And at the end of it all, time's just an illusion anyway. Just like everything else around you. Your only reality remains you. 
It makes me wonder, if time is such a great ally and really does replace tears with smiles in due course, then the understanding of it's illusionary nature should mean that the tears need not be in the present and the smiles in the future. Why not manipulate time so that the tears are already in the past, and the smile appears in the only moment that ever counts anyway. Right now. This moment. This second. For that's all we have anyway. The past is over and done with. The future's too far away. And isn't set in stone in any case. All we have is now. And Now can change everything else. What you do now can change what will happen to you tomorrow. How you feel now can overwrite an incident that caused pain in the past to an incident that taught you a great lesson. We're blessed, we are. Because we have the Now. Yet how many of us actually use this Now to our advantage?
Why wait to see what tomorrow brings if it's in our power to create the tomorrow we want? Why are we so afraid of the Now, when in fact, it's the only thing we ever really have?

New beginnings

Here's what I love about new beginnings. The promise of tomorrow, of not knowing what lies in store, but knowing without a shadow of a doubt, that's it's gonna be exactly what you ordered up in heaven, when you were planning this glorious adventure you are on now.
If you only knew what greatness lies in store, you'd be whooping your way through every single heartbreak, redundancy and peniless moment. If you only knew that the biggest leaps, the most courageous jumps and the best adventures come from starting anew, you'd be grinning from ear to ear, morning, noon, night.
You may as well start grinning though, cause chances are, if the universe has brought you to read this post, it's because it's also made you close a door somewhere in your life, and you're at the point, hovering between here and there, uncertain of what the future holds. But fear not, my well-travelled friend. The path we're on now, is the path of greatness, of glory, of songs sung at the top of our lungs, without a care of hitting A sharp, or B flat. It's singing Sinatra's words to the tune of your life. The path you've chosen today, is the one that you predestined for yourself once oh-so-long-ago. It's the path which has signboards along the way, secret little signboards propelling you in the right direction, if you'd only slow down long enough to look. And what's the hurry anyway? You're destined to reach the grand finale, complete with your name up in lights, and groupies following your every move, as you take to the stage to sing "I Did It My Way".

P.S. It always has been your way. You just didn't realise that contrary to you being in the shadows, the spotlight was on you all along. You chose not to notice it, because... well I don't know your becauses. Maybe that's just you doing it your way.
And may I add, up there in heaven, all the angels and fairies are fighting their way for front row seats to see you enact part 2 of your grand play.

My story

Letting go is painful. It’s toxic. It’s like waxing the most delicate part of your body. It’s shite and it hurts. But it’s necessary if you want a new radiant you.
So necessary, in fact, that I’m going to make this post personal. This one’s about me. About my lessons of letting go. About my self-created hurt, my loss of power. Yeah, this is about me and X. And yet it’s not. It’s got everything to do with X, and yet it has nothing to do with X. It’s got everything to do with me. About my inability to let him go from within. My lack of power over myself.
But today is a new day. It’s a new girl wandering around her universe, noticing the beauty within. Only just realizing all over again that the minute she’s complete within, it doesn’t matter if she’s with or without. It only matters whether the inside is a whole or a broken part. And sure, a lot of us are amalgamations of various broken parts. But what if we took all those broken parts, collected them together, waved our magic wand and fused them to each other? Seamlessly, effortlessly, perfectly fused every single chipped and worn away bit within us, to create a magical new whole. We’d be complete, I’d be complete. I am complete. I am whole. The wand has been waved. The parts have all fused, the wheel’s turned full circle, and the soul is whole. The girl is complete.
X is gone. Sent away with so much unconditional, pure love. Far away. So he doesn’t chip off a chunk of the new. That emotion has been worn out and depleted. The well’s run dry and now that the draught is nearing its end, I’m just waiting for the next rainfall to fill up the well all the way to the brim.
It’s been hard, this journey of letting go. It’s even harder watching the person you love tell you how much they love someone else. Watching the man you love cry his eyes out for another woman is the toxic, ripping hair out of its roots from your bikini line for the first time, painful moment. But as soon as the strip’s been pulled off hard and fast, and a soothing gel applied to all the bumps and cuts that have come up as a result, you walk out the salon, straight to the beach, with the hottest bod, sexiest bikini and smoothest skin. And I’d bet my bottom dollar that a whole new pair of eyes, or multiple pairs of eyes, glance lingeringly at you. They may notice the cuts on your skin, they may notice how it’s still slightly red and raw, but they will also notice how perfect and unblemished it is. They’d see the courage it took to rip off the unwanted, to be bare, raw and exposed, with your head held high, and courage written over every pore of your perfect new skin.
Yes, letting someone go hurts more than you thought you were capable of hurting. But the newness that emerges from accepting, forgiving, forgetting and moving on, is stark… beautiful. The woman who emerges strong, silent and smiling from a long dark tunnel, is the most powerful one of all.
This post is mine. That woman is me. Nearing the end of that tunnel, able to see the light at the end, refusing myself permission to turn around, look behind, say a last goodbye, or run back to the start. This woman has walked the path of the dark and lonely. She’s spent many a night lost in the endless darkness, stumbling over the bumps and curves in the tunnel. And now she sees the end. She sees a way out. She believes in today. She’s assured of tomorrow. She’s confident, so confident that it will bring her exactly what she wants it to bring her. My tomorrow may attract a new, recreate an old, or invent the unheard. But it will come, my tomorrow. I just have to live through today first. Enjoy today. Accept the moment. Live in the now. Every perfect now will eventually add up, a string of divine perfection, creating eternal bliss, a permanent state of joy in my heart. And for that, cords had to be cut. Energies had to shift. The man had to go. The girl had to be alone.
Goodbye X. Be happy, be pure, go out there and find your love, find yourself. Create your new day. I wish you the best.

The magic of you

What may appear to be a slap in the face, might just be a blessing in disguise. You may be getting the best gift of your life, just packaged in the wrong way.

When you feel like it isn’t going right, the plan’s gone awry, or the life’s gone off-track, be grateful for that moment. For it is only in those moments where we have nothing, can we begin to create from scratch.

When the slate’s blank, we can pretty much write whatever we want to on it. We start a brand new story with enough space for all our twists and turns and plot-hangers.

It’s like going shopping for new clothes. If your wardrobe is so full there isn’t even a millimeter of hanging space left, where are you going to fit those new clothes? Wouldn’t you need to empty out the clutter first?

So when you feel all alone, deserted, abandoned, abused, misused, misunderstood… thank your lucky stars for the opportunity to clear out the old and replace it with a brand new You. A You that up to this point only existed in your wildest fantasies.

Cause you see, you’re never really deserted or abandoned or misunderstood in the first place. You can’t ever be alone as long as you have you. And even through the lowest point in your life, when everyone else turns away into their own world, you’re still left with the single most important person in your life: You.

And when you get together with You, miracles happen, rainbows are created and there’s magic everywhere.

Moon Goddess

Another full moon. Another date with destiny. Another chance to bathe in the moonlight and cleanse myself of the negative energies of the past month. Another opportunity to recharge and rejuvenate.
I love my moon, me. She never fails to be there. As loyal as the sun. As mysterious as space. As perfect as a pebble. As cracked as a rock. She embodies virtues of perfectionism, yet unabashedly flaunts her flaws, her cracks showing us that one needn’t be perfect to be beautiful. Even a soul with holes can still be complete from within.
Like the moon, we too are gods and goddesses, ebbing and flowing to the tides of the universe. We shine bright, lie low, wane, wax, appear and disappear. But we remain. Eternal. Magnificent. Majestic. Walking the path of love. Giving light when we’re called upon. Providing shelter when the need arises. Knowing when to hide in the shadows and when to come out and make a stand.
There’s a lot to learn from the moon. She’s the goddess of the night. The shelter for the weary.
She isn’t the sun. She doesn’t always shine bright and perky, day in and day out. She’s a bid moody, the moon. But that’s her charm. Therein lies her beauty, her mystery. She’s a woman in every sense of the word. Playing catch-me-if-you-can games. Moving in and out of the spotlight, shedding old skin and growing a new coat, living out her whims and fancies, celebrating her mood-swings… the charming, beguiling, mysterious witch that she is. That I am. That so many of us are. And we are. Some of us just don’t know it yet.

Game of life

For once, let’s not go into the whole mind-soul explanation. For this time, let’s focus on the here and now, on this moment, this reality, this existence, this life. The life we have now, however much we may want to call it an illusion, is one that would never come back again. We may have another hundred lives ahead of us, or maybe even none. But this one, the life in which you are you right now, is a one-shot game. Mess it up and you’ve lost your hand.
Play your cards well and you’ll walk away with pride intact.
Sure, there will be some scary moments along the way. Aren’t there always? But we forget the immense power we possess to mould our lives into what we want them to be. We have the ability to create and destroy. Yet, so many only learn the self-destruct function instead of the co-creator one.
Why though? Hasn’t “life” given us enough examples of always giving a second chance? New opportunities always follow closed doors, the tears are inevitably replaced by a smile and a last kiss has always preceded a first kiss.
So sure, you’ll argue and fight your way through the end of a relationship, cry yourself silly, scream, shout, rant and rave, hide in a corner, sulk, moan and groan. And then, guess what? The universe creates its little miracle. Before you know it, there a new face in your life, a new soul your heart beats for and moonlight kisses to gently wipe away those tears.
And with its traditional fanfare and trumpets blowing, those girls in their cheerleader skirts and pompoms are holding your name up in the lights because You have truly emerged the star, the Victorious One. The one life never did manage to defeat. You’re the cheered and admired one who did believe in second chances, or third, or fourth, or twenty-fifth chances even. And you do know why the universe gave you all those chances, don’t you? Because you believed it was your total and absolute right to have those chances. You never gave up even for a second. And the universe, in all its glory, always, always gives back to you exactly what you believe in.
So don’t waste your chances believing that you’re not entitled them. Remember that this is a game after all, and you’re still a player, you still have your hand, and you know what else? Unbeknownst to all others, you hold the trump card. The belief card. It’s yours to play whenever you feel the need to, or want to, or even just for kicks. It’s your card. And if you look at your hand closely enough, you’ll see that you have the Belief card in multiples.
So keep playing your game, keep believing, keep winning. You’ll get exactly what you think you deserve to get. And you are you, after all. Surely you deserve nothing less than the best!

09.09.09

It's the 9th day of the 9th month of the 9th year. It's also Metro day here in Dubai, but that's another story for another time.

So, all these 9s... They don't just happen for no reason. Nothing ever happens for no reason. This blog entry, you reading it, life, the universe, cosmos, people, plants, animals, numbers.... there's a reason behind everything.

So what is it about all these 9s in our life today? The angels connected for a chat this morning. Beautiful beautiful majestic angels in every shape and size. I asked them why all these 9s, why now, what are they trying to tell us?

That it's the beginning of an ending, they told me. Individually, locally, globally and universally, a chapter is ending, an era's coming to a close, and today, they said, marks the start of that end.

And you know what endings signify, don't you? Nothing can end without something new beginning. If the new doesn't begin, there will be a gap of nothingness, a black hole of sorts. But even a black hole is a something. For it to have a name, a shape, a form, a concept, makes it something. It's alive. It's aware. It just is. It's Something.

Nothing on the otherhand means just that. Nothing. And with nothing, there is nothing. And with no thing, there is no being. With no being, there is no you, or me, or us or them. And yet here we are. We're all here. You, me, us, them, him, her... We're all right here, a screaming reminder that it's not nothing. And in order for the Nothingness to cease, it needs to be replaced with a Something. That something is a new beginning. Our little world is seeing a brand new chapter in its history.

The angels say we're at the beginning of the end. But since matter, time and space is all an illusion anyway, what beginning, what end are they referring to? More conversation with the angels reveal thoughts of transformation.

We're inching out of one phase and sliding into the next. We're in the process of a transformation, they say. A universal transformation. A morphing of the old us, into the new us. A morphing which begins right here, right now, today. Slowly sliding forward to a universal awareness of a newness.

Of what though? What's ending in your life, what new are you moving towards? Are you in the process of walking out of one doorway and in through another? Will you remain You, or will a whole new You emerge? Is this a rest period before you make your grand appearance, or are you still in the last act of the play? Has your new life begun? Are you on its threshold? Are you excited? Nervous? Apprehensive? Cautious? Carefree? Rebellious? Or are you just YOU? Minus the layers, without the frills, the masks and the blinders. Just you, raw, pure and ready to embrace all thought, follow the footsteps of peace and journey towards love, a new beginning, new hope for the Earth. New opportunities of ascension, higher vibrations than ever before, an awakening of the soul-mind, an acceptance of the bigger picture...

So go ahead, take a bow, soak in the adoration, lap up the applause, cause this drama is just about to end, and you, the star, are moving on to an entirely new production.

soul mates, love, eternity

We all have a soul mate. Actually, we have many soul mates. Every single one of us has kindred souls we attract into our lives time and time again. And we go through the gamut of relationships with them. Father and son in Japan in the 1400s, best friends in Poland during WWII, sisters in China in the 1900s, husband and wife in Egypt in 500BC. And with each life and each incarnation we recognise each other because the heart never forgets. And no, not the itsy bitsy little heart that gives way every 80 years or so. I mean the heart of the soul. The core of your very soul will never forget a loved one. And regardless of whether you meet them in this life as father, friend or child, their eyes will be the giveaway. You'll spend hours staring hopelessly in those eyes wondering where you've seen them before, pondering why they seem so familiar all too soon. 

When that happens, when you've exhausted every connection you can think of, and still haven't come up with an answer to "where do I know him/her from?" here's what you do.

Close your eyes, picture yourself in a long corridor with doors all around you. Breathe deeply and open whichever doors beckons. Look at the eyes of the person behind that door, and you'll know how you know who your soul family is. And while you're rejoicing in the love of your soul family, spare a moment to really look around. Have you spotted him or her? The one. You know who I mean. The love of your life. The love of all your lives. The one who's eyes have that special glow when mirrored against yours. The one who has a light shining above his left shoulder. Your soul mate. Your primary soul mate.

I've had a million friends ask how they'd ever know if the person they were with was "the one" or not. Fact is, if they have to ask that question, they still haven't bumped into their soul mate yet. For once you meet, nothing in the world could keep you apart. A soul knows what a soul knows. And when it finds its better half, the chemistry turns to magic and love fills every nook and corner of their lives. Finding your soul mate is achieving one of the biggest goals of this life. For what is a life without love? What is a world without love? Where would our little universe be if it wasn't for love? Love is all there really is. Love is all there ever was. And love is all there ever will be. It's the only constant in our otherwise ever-changing world. So the day you find your soul mate, thank every single power there is, smile at every single person you see, sing life's song, dance its dance, because at the end of the day, life really is worth living. And love really is worth risking it all for. 

Soul searching

Someone just called me his “lovely sister”.
And I felt this little tingle of warmth spreading through my veins. No one’s ever said that to me before. People look at me in 3 ways: The Clown, The Ice Maiden, The Strange One.
Outside of my soul’s family, no one looks into my eyes, no one sees my soul.
And this person, who I barely even know, save for the few cigarette breaks we’ve shared together, managed to do just that.
And sometimes that’s all it takes to make your day. The fact that even one single person managed to look outside the box and not see me as a stereotype. That’s a good enough start for now.
He’s example enough to other people to start looking beyond the obvious. To not judge the book by its cover. To dig through the outside and look at the inside of the person you’re talking to. The outside’s as fickle as the clothes you’re wearing today. Tomorrow, you’ll wear something else. Today, your body is the way it is. Five years ago, it was very different. Ten years from now, it will change even more. Thirty years down the line, you won’t even recognize it any more. That’s how temporary our bodies are. But who we are on the inside, the energies and emotions that make us us, those don’t change with the passage of time. 500 years from now, your soul will still retain the same qualities it does today.
Sorta makes you wonder what all the hoo-ha about colour, shape and size is all about huh?

P.S. Enjoy the here and now. It’s the only place to be. But don’t grow roots. Remember you still have a long way to fly.

And so it goes...

You know how there are moments when you're so worked up and angry about a fight that you've even forgotten why the fight hapenned in the first place? Then when you take time off to breathe and recollect your thoughts, you realise how silly it all is and that there was no reason for that fight. That, combined with having taken time off from each other, makes making-up so easy, so romantic, and so much fun.

That's pretty much the same deal with lives, I'm learning. Sometimes we go through a life of sadness, a life of unfulfilled wishes and desires, a life without the most important element of all: a life without love. Or we go through lives where we've loved and lost. So what happens at the end of those lives? Do you really think that the power-that-be, the creator of creation, the universal consciousness, or whatever you want to call this energy form, would randomly single you out for a life of misery for absolutely no freaking reason in the world? Do you really think all this could be "just because"?

And if that is what you think, maybe you're happy in that school of thought and maybe you don't want to read any more of what I feel compelled to share with you. But if you've just said 'no' to even one of the above questions, I'm writing this to you.

There's more to us than this life in this body. There's an entire universe of stuff about our selves that lies dormant in the recesses of our mind. The us we see every single day in the mirror isn't even the tip of the iceberg. 

Every thing we say, do, think and feel today is a result of something else, of another time. Cause and effect, action and reaction, what goes around comes around, karma... Call it what you will, it's a powerful force. One that governs all our lives and every today we have. Do unto others as you would have done unto you. Do you really think these terms came out of nowhere? Every single action in this world creates a reaction. Throw a pebble in the water, and you will create ripples, kick your dog and you'll generate fear in his heart, smile at someone for no reason and their day will be that wee bit brighter. Every single deed we do has repercussions. Sometimes we don't allow those repercussions to happen within our life. So what happens then? Does the deed lie dormant, forgotten in the vastness of a universe that otherwise never forgets a single thing? Would our perfect universe honestly allow for something to go by unnoticed? Think about it. Every life has a purpose. If you stray too far from that purpose the universe gives you pushes and shoves along the way to nudge you back. If you ignore those nudges and keep straying even further, you get one heck of a big momma kick up your backside. You'd think that would be enough to get most people back on track. And you would be right for having thought so if it wasn't for this little thing called free will. Every human is born with the free will to do as they please, to change their minds at the last moment, to follow their own path, or walk down the opposite direction. And there's not a thing anyone could ever do to fight free will. So a soul goes on and ignores the life mission they once set for themselves. Fair enough. What happens next though? That life mission still needs to be learnt at some point. So the soul creates Version 1 of the same life the next time around, hoping to learn the original lesson. But oh oh! Free will comes into play again, and the next time around, Version 2 is created. And so theme lives keep continuing until, at some point, the soul learns the lesson it had originally set for itself to learn. It's almost like school. If you skip class and don't pay attention, you'll fail and have to repeat the grade. And until you finally learn what you had to to begin with, you'll keep re-doing the same grade over and over again until you get it.

That's not to say it's anyone's fault for failing. Sometimes skipping class to watch the flowers or play with clouds may be a lot more appealing. And that's the beauty of eternity. There's always time. And the universe doesn't hold grudges.

Moment of silence

The girl of a thousands words is silent today.

Be in peace Michael Jackson.

The world spoke too late, but not on deaf ears. I know you know. You've always known. That's what made you, you. Stay special. Sing with the angels. For now. For as long as you like. You know best. You've always known best.

Adieu. Bon voyage.

Reconnecting

Some people have a way of getting into your heart and your life. One day you think you're doing just fine, wandering along the paths of your life, then suddenly, bam! You meet a stranger. A stranger who walks into your world as though he's always lived there. A stranger who isn't even a stranger because as soon as your eyes meet, you know you know each other. From somewhere, at some time, in another parallel universe maybe. A stranger who's an old friend in a new body. And when you meet that stranger, your heart may say it's own thing, your head surely will, and then that little voice in your middle will add it's two-bit, a quick whisper into your soul, a little "don't let this one go again".

And that's all it takes for souls to reconnect and pick up where they last left off. 

Traill, this is for you because you're someone I've always known and always loved. Fly high, swim deep, love hard.

21 days

I can. I accept. I allow.

Powerful beginnings to powerful mantras.

I can climb Everest. I accept the events that occur. I allow the universe to heal me.

It’s the chicken soup for our soul that thousands and thousands of books have been written on, the basic formula of life that makes psychiatrists and shrinks millionaires, the most powerful of all our powers that lie dormant within us.

And it’s free. We don’t need to eat into our savings or forgo that new white leather couch for this life-changing remedy. It lies within us.

All we need to do is sit, relax and focus. Realise what we want, what it is that’s blocking us from achieving what we want, why we are allowing that blockage, and do we really want to change it. If the desire for change burns, focus again on what you want to change. Is it your job, is it your fear of public speaking, a phobia of heights, the chance to heal a broken heart? Figure out what needs fixing and apply the balm of words that will do the trick. Then sit back and watch the magic number 21 do its trick. You’ll be amazed at the power of your subconscious and the strength of your own words.

If it’s a broken spirit that needs mending, a heart that needs fixing or a soul that needs healing, that’s what you should allow yourself to let happen. Create your own mantra to guide you. Your mantra will be embedded in your DNA from this point on till eternity. It will be etched into the deepest levels of your subconscious mind, to stay with you through this life and all the others. Best then that it’s your own creation of what you want for yourself. Create whatever feels right. Be honest with yourself and find the sore spots, the areas that need healing and address it directly. Be bold. Say that you allow the universe to heal you. You choose to integrate love and peace into your daily life and deep within your soul (thanks for that one Ruchi). You accept the power you have over your actions. You allow yourself to be the creator of your own universe. You feel no shame, no fear, no negativity. You choose enlightenment over social norms. You allow yourself love. You feel love. You see love. You are love.

Create whatever works for you, believe it from deep within your middle. Accept that you have chosen to walk this path of self-healing and allow yourself the courage to heal. Write down your own mantra. Repeat if 21 times over 21 days. That’s how long it takes to make a break a habit or notion in the subconscious mind. Speak it out loud, whisper it to your soul, write it down in your favourite book. Do whatever it takes to convince the most important person in your universe of how amazingly unique, talented, powerful, wonderful and loved they/you are. Because, what it all boils down to is love. Love from your very core, to your very core.  Spend one day loving yourself and notice how the wheels will turn in your favour, how, magically, the universe will conspire to throw back at you all the love you're generating from within. And the more love you receive from the universe, the greater your belief in your special powers. After all, you created that love. Just as you created your own mantra, your own desires, your own wants. And if the love came bouncing right back, bet you can't wait for your mantra, desires and powers to come back at you 10-fold.

Keep believing. Keep loving. That's all it takes.

The secret

You thought life was hard?
Think again. It’s as easy as you want it to be. It’s exactly what you want it to be. And that’s the problem people have with it. An unawareness of what they really want. They think in negatives. Even when positive, they think along the lines of here’s what I don’t want, as opposed to here’s what I want.
What many don’t know, is the secret I’m going to share with you now.
The universe doesn’t hear negative. Can’t, don’t, won’t are non-existent in it’s dictionary. When you say, “I don’t want to smoke,” the universe is unable to hear the word ‘don’t’. All it hears is “I want to smoke.” Same for “I (don’t) want to hurt anymore” or “I (don’t) want to put on weight”. “I (don’t) like my job”. As the universe is hearing all these positives coming from you, it does what it does naturally. Give you all the things that you want. The stuff that you’ve been inadvertently attracting into your life by repeating over and over again. As a result, you continue to smoke, you continue to hurt, you continue to put on weight and you continue in the same job. That’s the universal law of attraction. You attract into your life what is in your head.
Try instead this exercise. Make a conscious effort at least one a day to focus on what you do want. Have the same objectives, but phrase them differently. “I want to quit smoking.” “I want to find love.” “I want to embrace a new career.” “I want to be a size 8”.
From once a day, graduate to thinking like that twice a day, then thrice. Before you know it, you’ll have wiped all the negatives out of your life (on more levels than one). Then sit back and reap the rewards of positivity.

Castles in the sky

I’ve been building castles in the sky ever since I can remember. I put on my rose-tinted glasses and visualize the shapes and forms I want my castles to make. One day it could be a little pixie-eared shaped hut in the middle of a big forest full of animals and birds. The second day the castle morphs into the little house on the prairie. On the third, it’s a branch on a tree that sways with the wind. On the fourth? Who knows? My castle is mine to build the way I want to. I can keep it the way it is, or change it on a daily basis. It exists in reality because it exists in my mind. I created. Therefore it is.
It’s the same deal with life. You create your own. You decide on a destiny. And then you give yourself the gift of free will to change it however you wish to for that moment in time. And if you’re unhappy, it’s never too late to change it to something else. Over and over again, until you either find the castle and life of your dreams, or come to a realization that the adventure lies in change and new discoveries.
That’s the beauty of it. There are no rules. It’s your mind, your body, your soul. Your kingdom to rule as you please.
It’s pretty much the way Led Zep summed it up. “Yes there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run, there’s still time to change the road you’re on.” Except that it isn’t just two paths. It’s two paths multiplied by a kazillion billion trillion, infinition.
Life offers you so many options. The path you pick is entirely your choice, and your choice alone. Feel free to change lanes whenever you want to. Life might be a journey, but not all roads are Sheikh Zayed Road.

A true teacher

So here's the thing about Michael. He's the only person that ever lived that succeeded in fulfilling the true mission of man. He erased the borders, there were no boundaries, he killed stereotypes and lived out of the box. He was everything and nothing. He was masculine, feminine, adult, child, black, white, gay, straight, real and make-believe all at once. 

Michael was all of it. In his own way, peculiar as it might have been to some, he did what all of us should be striving for. I may spend every day of my life talking about how people should erase the lines between race, religion, gender and nationality. I may even contribute to it in my own way. But Michael actually went ahead and embodied it. He killed stereotypes. He was an adult as a child and a child as an adult. He was born black, until nature turned him white. He grew into the body of a man with the soul of a child. He was physically masculine, but spiritually feminine. He was a child, he fathered children, he loved children. He healed in ways he could, the thrilled in ways he could. He was everything and nothing at the same time. He was and always will remain a superior soul. An evolved soul who was here on a mission. A mission of peace and acceptance. He laboured his way through his 50 years to lead by example. He was here to teach us that souls are souls. We aren't men, women, black or white. We are. He was. He proved. And he will remain.

Rest well Michael

I opened my ees to tears this morning. Blurry-eyed I checked online, hoping it was some sort of twisted joke. Except that it wasn't. Michael Jackson's gone. For now. He did all he came here to do, set himself an incredibly hard life to live, sacrificed his heart to create the sweetest music ever. The man lived, loved and entertained. He changed the world, the changed music, he changed lives. He didn't just walk down the path of fame, he was the path of fame. He was a little boy with the voice of an angel. He grew up to be a man, with the pure heart of a child, and still the voice of an angel. People may say what they want to about him, but Michael Jackson wasn't just the greatest musician here. The man was music. He embodied everything beautiful. So beautiful that the world didn't know what to make of it, and resorted to the only reaction they could muster. They ridiculed his beauty. They laughed at his angelic voice. They didn't understand this child-man. Maybe that's the lesson he set himself to learn from this life. 

Be at peace now Michael. Get your rest. You did well love. You did very well. See you another time.

Our higher selves

For the first time in a very long time, I was in a group of people, people I didn't know, and I wasn't the odd one out. I fit. I was surrounded by others who belive in the power of the universe, the magnificance of the soul, the eternity of the higher self, the beauty of the mind. It felt right. It felt good. It made me feel good. And that feeling good attracted so much more good into the rest of my day. I'm walking around on cloud 9, confident of my future, accepting of my past, with a zest for knowledge, craving to learn more about what I know in my soul. I'm taking the first steps towards an age-old journey that although so new is still so familiar. I'm answering so many of my own questions. I'm learning that only I have my answers. And everything depends on how I phrase the questions. And that's true for all of us. Every one of us already knows it all, somewhere, high above where we are now, in a another dimension, in another realm, we know our truths. We need the courage to be able to face ourselves. We need the courage to look into our core and ask ourselves the questions we've been burrying away. For no one else could ever answer them for us. We need the bravado to realise that instead of following organised cults and man-made belief systems, all we really need to follow is ourselves. We're our ultimate masters, we're our own saviours, we're our own guides. It's all here within us, around us, encircling us. If we could only open our eyes to relisation, we could work our own miracles. Miracles of sight, sound, emotion, touch, love, healing, magic. All we need to do is believe in our own power. We need to believe we wrote our own script and created every single player in that script. Every soul around us right now is a manifestation of what we wanted for us in this moment of space and time. We need them all for they're here to help us learn our lessons. With every life, with every breath, there's something to be learned. And who are we to deny ourselves what we alone decided once so very long ago?

Regression

So here we are again. Another full moon. Another beautiful night. One more night for the cats to meow incessantly, and Sneaky to run around like a little lunatic.
Strange then that human beings block it out of their system. Is it because we’ve gotten so advanced that we’ve forgotten to listen to our instinct? The most basic, primal feeling that all of us have, our little inner voice that tells us everything we need to know, our biggest and bestest teacher. And yet we’ve blocked out the sound of her voice.
Snickers doesn't need to be taught to follow instinct. He just does what comes naturally, without any remorse or guilt or social obligations. As does every single animal ever since and forever more. And they’re considered inferior to us, a race that’s so superior that we forgot how to be human and think relying on technology for everything makes us more intelligent.
Not so long ago, little snickers, sap, you, me, we were all on similar spiritual zones. Then we as humans built us a pair of smart technology wings and thought we could fly high above all the other species. In spending all those minutes and hours and years and millennia developing technology, we forgot how to develop our mind.
The ancient Egyptians, the Aztecs, the Mongols, the Greek, they knew a lot more than this generation does. They built some of what we still call architectural wonders. And what’s really ironic here is that they were once us. And we were them. Many moons ago. We did all that stuff that we now marvel at. But somewhere down the line, we developed the term society. And society developed norms and rules and inhibitions and fear and punishment and ego and pride. And we forgot all that cool stuff we once took for granted.
Today, we use an average of only 10% of our mind. 10%??? We call ourselves superior based on a 10% figure? And when you consider that the bulk of that 10% is probably spent on the here and now, the daily grind, the routine issues, what minute figure is left for us to connect with our souls? Can you even imagine the potential of 13%? Or 50?
We need to go back to our roots. Or at least help our roots reconnect to the earth and draw it’s energies into our souls. I think we’ve starved our souls long enough. Time for some spiritual nourishment.

Welcome back Muby

Can’t believe an entire week has passed since I last wrote. What kept me away for so long? I know I procrastinated and made excuses. But obviously that was a cover-up for something much more. Something which I didn’t have the courage to say earlier, but I should now. I should because unless I let it go from my system, it will remain within and fester.
So here’s my confession. I got so caught up in the here and now, so involved on the outside, that I neglected the inside. I wasn’t listening to that little voice going “oh oh! Don’t go there”.
I allowed myself to be surrounded by negativity and cribbing. I allowed the words to hit my ears and sink into me. I’d end up carrying other people’s negativity on my shoulders, until it became a dark cloud over my head. I stopped focusing on love first thing every morning and last thing every night. I stopped sending my angels to those in need. I stopped feeling from within, and I ended up without.
Until last night, when I decided to be selfish. I made a conscious decision to step away from the whining and complaining and cribbing and crying. I sat at home and entered my own head. I closed my eyes and felt roots connect my body to the sand beneath me. I heard little Snickers playing with his chewie by my side. It was a sound that gave me immense comfort. I allowed the summer breeze to carress my face, the smell of the trees with their sleeping flowers to gleefully invade my senses. I pictured me hunch-backed, dragging the weight of others over my shoulder like a sack full of dead rocks. I saw how miserable I looked doing that. I felt how unhappy I was because every nerve in my being was focusing on the unpleasant duty of carrying those rocks. I stood up, put the bag down, said a silent goodbye and walked away. As I walked away I grew taller and lighter. My face started glowing. I could feel all the thoughts emanating from my middle. I felt love. I felt courage. I felt peace. I felt calm. I felt life. Eternal and majestic in all it’s raw beauty. Giving thanks for such a miracle didn’t seem enough. I looked up at my universe and laughed. I laughed and laughed until I laughed that bag of rocks away. And as I laughed, the trees grew around me, the butterflies came back, the bird chirped, Sneaks ran around in crazy little circles. All felt right. I was connected. I was grounded. I flew up high, while my roots swirled and twirled to their own beats on the earth.
In that moment another Muby turned up. She was me, but she wasn’t me. She’s been around so much longer, her soul so much older. She reminded me never to allow people to force their cloak of negativity over my shoulders. She told me not to underestimate my energy. Not to tarnish my aura, not to fall into the trap of nothingness. She reminded me that a smile begets another smile, joy, attracts joy, goodness makes the way for even more goodness, and all people come with their own karma. She spoke the infinitely wise words of Wayne Dyer, “How people treat you is their karma. How you react is yours.”
And I have to admit I had all too easily fallen into the rut of following their doctrine of unhappiness. I barely spoke to my universe all week. My mood ring stopped showing spiritual growth. I was stunted, and I allowed it to happen.
But the girl from last night took it all away. She helped me reconnect to me. She realigned my path with the universe. She gave me my powers back. Just like others pulled out a little vial of negative energy and splashed it around my aura, she took out a vial of positivity and doused me in it from head to toe. It felt like an awakening. I’m overjoyed to have found my heart again. I feel like me, I feel lighter, I feel stronger, I feel calmer, I feel happier. I am alive. I am at peace. With each breath, I radiate that peace, with each word, I spread the love. That’s my way of being.
As I said last week, each of us needs to be. In their own unique way. This is mine.

Don't forget your smile

Have you ever had one of those days where you woke up happy, and as the day progressed you kept adding to the weight on your shoulders? To the point that come 6pm, you felt pooped out, physically and emotionally stressed to the point of collapse.
And you know why don’t you? Because misery loves company. Your boyfriend cribs about his work. It bothers you enough to make you crib to your best mate. She cribs to her friends, they crib to their spouses, who crib to their family, who happen to know you and crib to you. And the chain goes on and on.
What if we replaced all that cribbing with some positive energy? What if your boyfriend said something that made you so happy, you went on to spread the love? And that love, just like the earlier misery, kept spreading, growing, expanding, until it came back to you from a source you least expected.
Compare the two scenarios. Which one would you rather have in your life? Endless joy, or endless sorrow. The choice is yours. Nip unhappiness in the bud, or let it sprout wings and spread its misery. Or plant a seed of joy and watch it grow to a big tree with branches to envelope you and leaves to protect you.
See how easy the choice is when put that way? That’s how easy every single choice between joy and sorrow, love and hurt, pain and pleasure is. It’s always easy. It’s always been easy. That’s how it’s made to be. It’s supposed to be that easy. Yet we find ways to complicate even the simplest things. It’s time for a change guys. It’s time to throw away the blanket society forced you to wear, time to burn those blinkers, throw out the boxes you’ve been storing filled with years of stereotypes. It’s time to have some fun. It’s time we realized how ridiculously easy every moment of life is, if we only just allow it to be, without over-analysing and complicating matters.
Live, let live. A smile’s the strongest magnet the universe created. People might not remember your name, and that’s fine. It’s just a name. It’s material. They’ll create their own names for you. What they’ll not be able to forget is that one smile in a roomful of straight faces. Everyone’s drawn to a smile. That’s how we’re built. That’s the magnetic charm of life. A smile is the strongest foundation of the rising tower of your life.

To be or not to be? There's no option

Mike told me this. He said life’s the ultimate adventure because thoughts become things, dreams come true and all things remain forever possible.
The man makes me think. Always. All that thinking led to a very strong realization. You, me, him, her… we’re all here for a reason. And while each of our individual reasons may vary, the umbrella under which our reasons reside remains the same. We’re all here to be.
To be who or what we want to be. As long as we don’t give up on being, we’ll be fine.
It’s the key to life. To learn to be. To be happy, To be thankful, To be love and be loved. To be at peace. To be rich, famous, successful. To be the person we want to be. Whatever the goal, wherever the journey leads, whatever your chosen outcome, it all begins with being.
Start living your life now. Live it like you own it. You are the reason for life’s being. Without you, there would be no ‘your life’. So let it be, don’t worry about the hows and whats and why. Focus on the dream, live the dream, desire it, own it, give thanks for it. Then watch the universe conspire in your favour to bring that dream to realisation. Reverse the order of the conscious mind. The conscious mind will give you a long and winding road to travel. Thought, followed by desire, wishfulness, prayer, test of patience, depression, struggle, endurance, hardship, then manifestation and gratitude.
Bollocks. Your mind has just gotten the better of you. It was tainted by the voice of plastic and made you walk down the manmade path of reclaimed land and factory-made rocks. But if you look carefully, there’s a little pathway with an invisible exit sign. It’s your escape route. Out that door lies another school of thought. It’s a school whose teacher is a spiritual being, it’s laws are universal and try as you may, it’s hard to prove them wrong. This school teaches you a brand new approach to being. It begins with a thought, followed by desire, demand, gratitude, manifestation. The secret law states that you need to live as though you own, before you can actually own. If you think you own, how can you not own at some point because you’re already living and giving thanks for owning it. If you believe you do, how could you not?

Another world

Imagine a room, a dark room, where the only light comes from the tip of a burning incense stick. Imagine that room soaked in the aroma of the incense. It’s a room filled with peace and light. There’s a strong feeling of love passed on from one body to another. It’s a room where the souls are hovering above their bodies, playing, dancing and teasing with their angels, with each other’s angels, seeing angels as far as the eye can see. The bodies that house those souls lie motionless on the padded floor. Some cry, others sleep, a few smile. No one moves, saves the souls who continue their dance with the angels. Outside the full moon shines pure and bright.
I lie there watching myself lie there. Soon I leave me behind and I’m off on a magical journey to a land far away, so far that time and space cease to exist, making it the nearest possible place I could be in at that moment. I’m on my own. I float, I fly, I cleanse, I heal. Yet I feel the others there. I feel connected by an invisible bond that my subconscious has acknowledged. I am asked to let go. I try. I really do. It’s not happening. And then in massive gobs and spurts, it comes gushing out of me. I watch myself letting go as though it’s a physical process. I sense that somewhere in another place, others are doing the same. I feel far away yet connected to the now. I feel the room get lighter. I see the hurt flying away. I feel a burst of light going through my body. I see that light, I allow it to go through me, through every single part of me. I welcome it for it takes away the weight. The smiling faces around me start glowing. Their wings encircle me in a ring of protection. They lift me up until I’m flying with them. I feel tiny, I feel big, I’m a giant, I’m a little girl, I’m a woman, I’m a child… This me keeps morphing, going to different versions of me that were holding on to different elements. Each version of me had something to let go. I never allowed those me’s that privilege before. Now I wonder why I ever denied it.
I open my eyes and the peace and calm of the room reassures me. It’s the perfect landing after my journey though space. A journey on which I lost a lot of my baggage and returned feeling lighter than before. A little tree of confidence was planted in my spine. It’s still young, but grow it will. And its fruits will be among the sweetest. I know this. I saw this. I believe this.

Destiny, Dreams & Drama

Do you believe that some things in life are not meant to be? I did, then I didn’t, then I did, then I didn’t again, and now I just don’t know any more.
I used to think I could control destiny. That we were allies. But she let me down so often she almost turned into the opposition. And every time we’d wave the white flag, the next battle would crop up and again she’d outdo me. Sometimes I’d win, but mostly she would. Today, she’s just confused me. I don’t know whether she’s on my side any longer or not. On the one hand, she introduced me to The Universe and we became fast friends. He’s my shoulder to lean on any time of any day. On the other hand, she often fought unfairly, taking away the very presents she once bestowed on me so lavishly. Now she gives me occassional glimpses of those presents, teasing, taunting almost, of what once was, what could have been, what never might again. And her games have just confused me to the point that I don’t even know if she’s doing this to hurt me, or to make me stronger. I think it’s the latter, but every now and then, this tiny nagging little doubt crops up in my head. What if I’m being played? What if this? What if that? Too many what ifs and not enough answers. And then my friend The Universe steps in and reassures me that this is what I wanted all along, long before I even stepped foot in this body. He reassures me for a while, until confusion tries rearing its head. And therefore this entry.
It’s this meeting with tonight’s full moon that I’ve been planning for a few weeks now. Been really excited about it, to the point of attracting 6 other people to this union, and now destiny might just change her mind about it. I’m not cribbing. Maybe the moment isn’t right. It’s a night of letting go, and maybe I’m not ready to let go yet. Maybe I’m not ready to let my past go, and that’s the only letting go I have to do. I know it will happen when I’m ready. I think I’m ready. I’d like to be ready. But what if I’m not? What if none of us are ever ready for the very thing our conscious mind is holding on to for dear life? The thing that we believe our heart and soul is addicted to. Our lifeline of sorts. Can one every be ready to throw away the lifeline and take a chance on life instead? That’s my million-star question. Do I have the courage? Should I have the courage? Is this one of those action moments, or one where I should drift with the tide? But wouldn’t that make me deadwood?
Does everyone have this many questions? It reminds me of a note The Universe wrote me last month. He said:

Muby, in life there will always be challenges that have manifested, and dreams that haven't. But they'll always pale in comparison to the number of dreams that have manifested, and challenges that haven't.Just look around you.
You are my dream come true,
The Universe

And there I go, getting my wings back, knowing nothing can let me down or disappoint me, except my inability to understand that I already have it all, all the answers are within me, and I can manipulate the outcome to whatever I want it to be. It’s that mind-numbingly simple. It honestly is. So simple that most of us don’t believe it can be true if it’s that easy. But it is easy, and we are powerful and we can do just about anything we want, have whatever we’d like, be whoever we want to be. The key lies in first visualizing it, then accepting it, acting upon it, and finally forgetting the hows and whys of how this massive miracle came to be. Fact is, it did come to be. And all because you created the notion to manifest it into reality. Mike’s not lying when says thoughts become things. Listen to the man. He knows what he’s talking about. But more than him, listen to you. Listen to your head and your heart. They won’t lie to you. Obey your gut instinct. It comes from your middle. From your very core. And your core is the real you. You won’t lie to you now, will you?

Conquering sadness

Sadness exists. Even the brightest of us are prone to bouts of tears, moments when we let the floodgates open and release all our pent-up toxins and worry. And that in itself is a healing process. Or so I’m told. Yet, if I were to say it the way it is, being sad only makes me sadder. Crying only makes it worse and the first bout of depression only leads to deeper stages of depression. That said, we are human. We will be sad. We will cry, scream and wail.

So how do we rise above it, without letting go of our basic instinct to hurt, or to feel? How can we not let that one voice, that single memory or that one name get the better of us? How to reach that point where you’re floating above the hurt and pain? Where you see it but don’t feel it? You acknowledge its presence, but not let it overpower you?

The only way I know is what my wise friend N told me: To forgive. Forgive yourself, forgive the other person, forgive the moment, forgive the universe. He made me understand that the person who’s hurt us most is just a face for that hurt. The same depth of pain could have been caused by any other face, yet the universe chose to make it this face. Why? Just because. Doesn’t matter why. What matters is we realise that no other person is responsible for our happiness or unhappiness. They’re just the face of it. Therefore, we need to forgive ourselves and we need to forgive the universe for the moment our paths crossed, for the moment emotions were formed, for the moment we allowed ourselves to fall. 

With so much forgiving and accepting to do, one would think we wouldn’t even have time left over to feel the hurt or pain any more. But instead of focusing on forgiving, we tend to focus on the anger, the need for revenge, for retribution, or even just proving a point. All we’re doing there is focusing on our ego. And trust me, there isn’t a single positive emotion your ego has ever created. None.

So what now? What’s the point of all this? Is it just the inane ramblings of a girl born two decades too late? The yak of a single woman trying to make it in this world? Or conversation straight from the heart? Because that’s what it is. All of it. A single girl conveying the messages of her heart to a world she should have seen 20 years before she did.

There’s my little secret.

Stay in peace

Lessons from the universe: Gossipy to gleeful

Okay, so one more post today (sneaky, sneaky… I’m defying my work karma, stealing office minutes to write this. But it’s for the greater good, these posts. The universe will forgive. We’re in cahoots anyway).
This one’s about ­ bad world alert! ­ Bitching. Now I’ve known a few good bitchers in my time. And they compete on an anonymous level. Constantly trying to outdo one another to win the Biggest B of the Century award. And they confuse and perplex me. I can’t understand them. I’m not perfect. I’m just as prone as anyone to my bouts of almost-bitching. But I inhale deeply enough and exhale the bitchiness out of my system. It leaves me in the form of a belly laugh.
It’s important for me to remember that the bitchiness does exist on some level (I still can’t levitate, therefore am not above human emotions). But it’s equally important for me to realise that said bitchiness is one tiny little part of my system, a part which I turn into a joke and soon the bitchiness is long forgotten and replaced by hysterical giggles. Giggles which even penetrate the odd meditation because it’s just so damn funny. And that’s what I wish everyone would do. Turn their negative into a positive. Accept its existence, embrace it even. Embrace it to a point where your fault turns into your ally and works to your universal advantage. The minute you learn to laugh at something, you’ve created a positive right there. Anything that makes you laugh has to be a good thing. And good things can’t be bad. They make you happy. Anything that makes you happy is your tool to inner peace. And laughter is just as good a tool as any. It is the best healer after all. Along with time, patience, love and acceptance.
I love the way he works, my Universe. Doesn’t he just kicks ass and tickle your funny bone at the same time?

A traill of love

Here’s something you could try. Turn around and see who’s closest to you. Give them your biggest smackeroo and a giant of a hug. And mean it. Let it come from your middle. Hug them hard. Hug them tight. And then walk away. Watch them pass on that love to the next person, and them to the person after, and on and on and on. A growing chain of love. A chain you created the first link of. Think of all the lives and all the souls who will be touched by that. Think of how many people will suddenly have a better day because a stranger showed them love.
Our little world needs so much more of that. Random acts of love done for no reason other than to promote a sense of harmony. You’ll create a purple aura of love stretching from one corner of the universe to the other. You will have done that. All you. And you really began your day feeling low and confused??? Are you not aware of the power you have within you? So strong and burning so bright.
T, this is for you. You’re the one person I know right now who would just begin that chain of love without a second thought. You have a gift. You touch hearts everywhere you go. And you don’t even realise it. And that’s your strength.
P.S. Look at how you gave Aywaa the gift of hope. You gave him his wings. Literally.

Hope

I met a stranger on Friday night. Someone who appeared out of nowhere. And did for me something so important, so vital, that even if I never see him again, I will never forget his amazing gift to me. The man gave me hope.
And silly as it might sound, here’s the thing. I love my little Sneaky to heaven and back a kazillion times and more. But little Sneaks, he doesn’t love everyone. My poor little boy is so terrified of people that he ends up terrorizing them instead. It’s a fight or flee instinct, I know that. I respect that. But (the dreaded “but”) as a result, I’m afraid to have people over cause the majority are actually scared of my little Snickers and would rather have an evening without me, than an evening being afraid. Not that there’s anything wrong there. No one wants to feel fear. But it almost got to a point where I didn’t want to call anyone over (except the few good souls who are connected to Sneaky and me). And me being me, it got me thinking, how hard it would be for me to find someone who deserved to be around my dog, someone who wouldn’t threaten him, or make him afraid. I thought it was near impossible. Until Friday night. When a stranger walked in and befriended Snickers in under 2 seconds. I may never see that man again, but he’s given me this massive massive gift, something that he’s so unaware of, which makes it the sweetest present of all. And I know he isn’t alone. I just know now that there are other people out there, soft souls, gentle souls, souls my little Snickers has known in the past, souls that have loved him. And as soon as he finds them in this life, he recognizes them instantly. I forgot about that for a while, while I was busy getting worked up in the here and now about finding friends that Snickers and I can both love, friends who deserve my Sneaky’s love. And the stranger might never be a friend, but he was the opening chapter in a book I had forgotten about. He came in that night to show me it isn’t a lost cause. That there are people out there who’ve never met us before, but are waiting for the right time to enter our lives and to love us the right way. And Snickers won’t be scared because they’ll be gentle with him. He’ll feel them. And day by day, my little boy’s family will keep growing. It’s quite big already, filled with so many people we love to bits. There’s my family ofcourse, who have adopted little Snickers as their grandchild/nephew, there’s LB, T & T, Ollie, Jams, and Gladys. Always Gladys. She’s connected to Snickers in a way only X and me were before. But she came into our lives, and she belonged. And I’m sure there are so many others waiting for us, with us waiting for them. And they’ll come. I know they will. And they’ll be right. They’ll fit. The stranger led the way. An unknown face playing a guest-role in this mega movie. My movie. In which Sneaky remains the eternal star, shining brighter than anyone ever could. The most pure, the most innocent, the most giving, the most loving. Little eyes of trust looking up at me. He’s a tiny little one my Sneaks, but he’s the epitome of love. A giant in every way imaginable.

Magic

Did you know that a blind chameleon still changes colours to match his environment? Proof enough of nature’s miracles?

Something's wrong...

0930

Each day comes with it’s own energy. It’s own vibe. Today scares me. It weakens me. There’s a stronger power lurking somewhere trying to cast a shadow over our beautiful world. I feel it hovering around. Even in colour, I’m seeing gray.

I feel as though I’m floating above the office floor. Seeing everything in slow-motion, in animation, with distorted sounds. Regular people doing regular things, unaware of what lurks just around the corner.

I just want this day to end fast. And well. And for tomorrow to bring back my angels and my confidence in life.

0003

So the day is officially over and it’s been strange to say the least. I felt out of my element, my little Sneaky was behaving differently too. Al came over for a drink, but just mysteriously fell asleep instead. So did Sneaks. In sync with her. Which scares me a little bit. Even meditating in the garden while Snickers slept in the bare sand wasn’t working. I don’t know what it is about today (or yesterday now, as the case is), but something was totally off. I feel its draining energy. I feel its anger. I saw its shadow. I hope it passed with the end of the day. I hope it doesn’t come back.

Waiting for the perfect world

Sometimes I don’t understand people. Correction. A lot of the time I don’t understand people. Take for example this morning. Walking into the place I normally walk into five days a week, I can’t help but look around, make eye contact, exchange a smile or two on my way to the coffee machine, then head to my regular spot, chirpy and happy in the here and now. And you probably know what happens next.
Gloomy faces all around. Sombre expressions telling tales of sorrow and despair. It’s the face I’d adopt if the bodies on this planet abandoned their souls and set about on a quest of hatred. So why such extreme doom and gloom 9am in the morning then? I sat and tried to figure it out. I took a little walk and kept trying to figure it out. Mulled over a coffee desperately trying to find out why. I tried and I tried, and I’m still trying even now.
Why the gloom? Could everyone have gotten out the wrong side of bed this morning? Not that I agree with that term anyway. I mean, what’s the wrong side? A bed’s a bed. It fulfills its mission to give you warmth and comfort upon contact. How can that have the word wrong attached to it in any way? And what's with the word “wrong” in the first place? Who created it? What’s wrong? What’s right? Who decides? Who has the right to? Right, wrong, good, bad, sin, grace… it’s all subjective. It’s all personal.
But I digress. Back to the uncalled for gloom.
… Actually, hang on a tic. I think I want to digress. Not necessarily to being against the concept of wrong, but to anything else. There’s enough pompousness, ego and grumpiness all around as it is, without me adding my energy to the mix by writing about it. Because, by writing about a thing, I’m automatically condoning it, accepting it, allowing it to be, to manifest. Ordinarily, who am I to deny anything its existence, but gloom, ego, anger and jealously … it hurts to even write down those words.
So let’s not. Let’s imagine a perfect world, with little butterflies of hope carrying messages of love. A world where people smile like retards (not the scary smiles though), a world where difference is celebrated, instead of fought over. A world minus war, religion and politics. A world of purple breezes and blue skies. A world without borders. A world rich in colour, where every kid has a reserve 10kg bag of candy, every animal has a loving environment to call home, every plant grows wild and free, every man love the other, every woman stands strong, where prejudices are a thing of the past and people, black, while, brown, yellow, straight, gay, tall, short, rich and poor all stand shoulder to shoulder, creating a circle of love, illuminating the purest of light and living as one.
Bet that made you crack at least the hint of a smile, huh?

My Little Secret

Here’s the thing. And it’s not just a thing. It’s a huge thing. It’s more thing than any thing could ever be. My x factor. My little piece of manna. My light. My love. My peace. My soul. My guiding light. My shoulder to lean on. My all. And it’s there. It’s always there. So near, so far, maybe, maybe not, a possibility, an option, a forever, a never, a missed opportunity, or an old present in new packing. Let’s call this thing-bigger-than-a-thing my certain ne je sais quoi x-factor. Bouncing around. Bouncing in, bouncing out, bouncing back, bouncing away, forever bouncing, forever flying, flitting and fleeing, but like a homing pigeon, always to return, back to a heart that’s home. Always there, but never quite. Far away, but not too far.
What do you call that? Mystery? Confusion? Faith? Belief? Magic? A source of power? Or just nothing. For no name would justify, no stereotype would fit. I’d rather just have an x factor to my life. One that no one can put a finger on. Except me, that is.

Love

You know the cool thing about love?

It never dies. It changes shape and form, it goes from one level to the next, it fades away, plays hide and seek, changes its colours even, but it always come back in one way or another.

If you have love, cliched as it sounds, hold on to it for dear life, but not too tight lest you strangle it with passion, not too loose, less it slip away. Keep it close to your heart, but let it not burn holes, for the flame of love runs deep, scorches nigh and forever alive.

Aywa

Remember the story about the little crow? His name is now Aywa (because that’s the sound he makes). And his daddy is T, my dolphin boy. Awya and T are a duo now. T loves his little Aywa, and I can just feel how much little Aywa heroworships his dad. Isn’t life beautiful? Here were two souls who were destined to meet and the universe put a bunch of people in the right place at the right time to help connect the dots. And that’s what the universe does best, and does in all it’s outlandish universal glory, complete with trumpets blaring and invisible go-go dancers in stilettos and feather boas. Ain’t love grand?