My story

Letting go is painful. It’s toxic. It’s like waxing the most delicate part of your body. It’s shite and it hurts. But it’s necessary if you want a new radiant you.
So necessary, in fact, that I’m going to make this post personal. This one’s about me. About my lessons of letting go. About my self-created hurt, my loss of power. Yeah, this is about me and X. And yet it’s not. It’s got everything to do with X, and yet it has nothing to do with X. It’s got everything to do with me. About my inability to let him go from within. My lack of power over myself.
But today is a new day. It’s a new girl wandering around her universe, noticing the beauty within. Only just realizing all over again that the minute she’s complete within, it doesn’t matter if she’s with or without. It only matters whether the inside is a whole or a broken part. And sure, a lot of us are amalgamations of various broken parts. But what if we took all those broken parts, collected them together, waved our magic wand and fused them to each other? Seamlessly, effortlessly, perfectly fused every single chipped and worn away bit within us, to create a magical new whole. We’d be complete, I’d be complete. I am complete. I am whole. The wand has been waved. The parts have all fused, the wheel’s turned full circle, and the soul is whole. The girl is complete.
X is gone. Sent away with so much unconditional, pure love. Far away. So he doesn’t chip off a chunk of the new. That emotion has been worn out and depleted. The well’s run dry and now that the draught is nearing its end, I’m just waiting for the next rainfall to fill up the well all the way to the brim.
It’s been hard, this journey of letting go. It’s even harder watching the person you love tell you how much they love someone else. Watching the man you love cry his eyes out for another woman is the toxic, ripping hair out of its roots from your bikini line for the first time, painful moment. But as soon as the strip’s been pulled off hard and fast, and a soothing gel applied to all the bumps and cuts that have come up as a result, you walk out the salon, straight to the beach, with the hottest bod, sexiest bikini and smoothest skin. And I’d bet my bottom dollar that a whole new pair of eyes, or multiple pairs of eyes, glance lingeringly at you. They may notice the cuts on your skin, they may notice how it’s still slightly red and raw, but they will also notice how perfect and unblemished it is. They’d see the courage it took to rip off the unwanted, to be bare, raw and exposed, with your head held high, and courage written over every pore of your perfect new skin.
Yes, letting someone go hurts more than you thought you were capable of hurting. But the newness that emerges from accepting, forgiving, forgetting and moving on, is stark… beautiful. The woman who emerges strong, silent and smiling from a long dark tunnel, is the most powerful one of all.
This post is mine. That woman is me. Nearing the end of that tunnel, able to see the light at the end, refusing myself permission to turn around, look behind, say a last goodbye, or run back to the start. This woman has walked the path of the dark and lonely. She’s spent many a night lost in the endless darkness, stumbling over the bumps and curves in the tunnel. And now she sees the end. She sees a way out. She believes in today. She’s assured of tomorrow. She’s confident, so confident that it will bring her exactly what she wants it to bring her. My tomorrow may attract a new, recreate an old, or invent the unheard. But it will come, my tomorrow. I just have to live through today first. Enjoy today. Accept the moment. Live in the now. Every perfect now will eventually add up, a string of divine perfection, creating eternal bliss, a permanent state of joy in my heart. And for that, cords had to be cut. Energies had to shift. The man had to go. The girl had to be alone.
Goodbye X. Be happy, be pure, go out there and find your love, find yourself. Create your new day. I wish you the best.