The Courage To Cry

Sometimes I look at the world and I’m overcome with compassion. I see all the tears and pain everyone hides behind their mask and it brings tears to my eyes.

Tears of joy because there’s so much beauty everywhere I look. So much beauty even in the pain. I watched a girl cry for the man who doesn’t love her anymore. A man cry over a woman who’ll never be his. A mother cry over a child who’s losing his grip. A father cry for his daughter’s broken life. A heart break because it dared to love. And in their tears, is beauty. The courage to cry shows strength of the soul. To be moved to an emotion so great, means the depth of that heart, the compassion of that soul, is so powerful. And therein lies its beauty.

What we sometimes look upon as weakness is really a shout of bravery. The courage of a warrior ready to give up his own life, to win the battle. Because sometimes, life, in our blindness, in our unconsciousness, seems to be a battle. It seems to be harder than is necessary.

How many hearts have sent silent prayers to God, asking, “why me God? Why me? What have I done? I’m not a bad person. I’ve never intentionally hurt anyone. So why is life hurting me so badly? Please help me out God. Please please please just show me the way. Any way, any sign, just a little one, so I can understand that it’s going to be okay. That these tears won’t be forever, that one day, I’ll hold my head up again. One day I’ll smile. So help me God, to accept the things I cannot change, and the power to live through these dark days.”

Give or take a few words, we’ve all said this prayer at some point in our life. And we’ll continue saying it, life after life, generation after generation, thinking, in our times of weakness, there’s no one to reach out to, but God.

Not understanding that these perceived times of weakness are, in fact, times of strength. After making the same mistake over and over again, with different people, different situations, different circumstances, we’ve finally got the awareness to realize something is wrong. When it hurts, when everything feels so bad, it’s your soul telling you it’s time to end this cycle. That before, you were too weak to step out of it. But now… Just look at you now. Look at the show of courage. Look at the bravador. The understanding that’s dawned, that you are ready to change. When all of life’s problems seem to hurl themselves at you one after the other, there’s a message there. The universe is saying something. So you might as well listen. Because the God that you were seeking out there, somewhere in the sky, has come to reside within you. None of those dramas would have the courage to throw themselves at you with such vehemence unless you were in the process of kicking them out of your life. Because you’re ready to heal, because you’re ready to clean out the closet, the past manifests itself in all the strongest ways possible. Because it knows it’s dying away. It’s losing its power over you. And that’s why it fights to stay.

In your darkest hour, during your worst moments, allow the awareness to seep through that none of this would ever be hapenning if you were still the old version of you, the weak version that would succumb to these issues and allow them to control you.

The fact that you’re fighting back, that you don’t want it anymore, is courage. It’s the God that’s living inside of you taking over the reigns, making the issues come tumbling out like a waterfall so that they are released from your space, so that the shackles you thought were binding, slowly start wearing off. It’s courage you display in your darkest hour, not weakness. The tears we shed are to release the pain. Every drop from your eye is one drop less in your heart. And when all the tears have run dry, when you can bid them farewell with a thank-you for teaching you this very important lesson, then you’re ready for your consciousness to talk. The God within has so much to say, so much love to give, that he has to pull out the plug so you can hear him again.

And therein, lies the beauty of the pain you’ve gone through. The man who will never love you, the woman who won’t be yours, the daughter who’s not able to create joy, the son who talks through his own insecurities… they are your teachers. They are the masters and gurus your God within has chosen to help you learn.

So go ahead and cry all you want. Shed every single tear, as often as you feel like, because you’re unburdening yourself. You’re creating a path for awareness to dawn, for God to speak, for your beauty to shine through.

For you are life, and life is you. And for life to exist, you have to exist. For you to exist, there must be learnings and lessons. Lucky lucky you for having the courage to learn those lessons, out on such a public platform that your growth is accelerated. That the God within and without is crying with joy, celebrating your power, your innate beauty, your courage, your strength.

If only during your darkest hour you could learn to switch on the light, you’d see the halo around you, the way people look up to you. For you are doing, what others are too afraid of. You’re living through the change that brings forth an enlightment, a wisdom, an awareness of something so much more, so much greater, than you ever realized before. And deep down, those who haven’t yet awoken their consciousness, still know that there’s more than what they’re seeing, but sometimes they’re too afraid to see what it is.

You, are their teacher. The brave soul with tears of beauty in her eyes, facing a change that’s inevitable, but doing it at your chosen time. Not waiting for it to render you helpless and take over.

Congratulations. I applaud and honour the God within that operates with such delicate beauty. May you continue to inspire forever more.

There you are

People come into your lives in the strangest ways. One minute you’re living your life like normal. Going through the motions. Hour by hour, day by day. Promising yourself that if you just make it to the end of the little road ahead of you, the curve will bring you something so much better. And because you’ve told yourself that, the universe sees to it that the next curve in your life turns out to be a metaphor for all the beauty you knew existed, but hadn’t seen yet.

So, one day, it was just me being me.

And all of a sudden, there’s this boy; a beautiful, kind-hearted, soft soul, who walks right in. Makes himself at home, as though he’d always been there. And I tried, I really did, not to let him all the way in. I made up excuses, reasons, presented what I said was logical analysis… but the universe sees to it that once you’ve made a wish, it gets delivered to your doorstep, wrapped in tinsel, with a sparkle in the eye, grinning from ear to ear, because, finally, despite your buts and ifs and whys, you’ve just been given what you wanted. A person to fall in love with, eyes to want to come home to, arms to sink in to, a body to set yours on fire, from head to toe and heart and soul.

This is my story with Rom, a man who danced his way into my life. Who stood tall as proof that the universe delivers. He’s the one I spoke to the moon about when she eclipsed last month, the one who took a long time coming, but eventually got here anyway. He came crashing into my life just as I was riding the wave of my dreams. He laughs, cuddles, cries, giggles and loves in all the right amounts that match mine. He reinforced my belief in wanting to create something, a feeling, a connection, a smile that doesn’t fade. There’s so much to say about this man that I may as well say nothing at all.

To me, he just is. He’s the wish I made on my lucky star, the one I had all those imaginary conversations with, the one who I believe I’ll grow to love more as the days go by.

And hey, if an atom mirrors space, and the universe reflects what’s within your body, then surely a love discovered in my life, adds to the energy of love in yours too.

Feel hugged.

Bon voyage

And there he goes, spreading his wings, about to fly away. Go in peace my beautiful friend. For life is but the blink of an eye. But eternity lasts forever. For you see, the soul is an energy. It transforms, changes shape and structure and moves from one dimension to the next. 
So the next time you have to say goodbye to one you love, do it with courage, do it with a smile. Transfer your strength to their soul, to their being. For their souls needs your unconditional love and understanding more than their body needs your tears. 
The end of a life doesn't mean the end of the journey. It just means you've graduated before the rest of your class, ready to move on to the next experience, to a new learning. With the knowledge that the essence of your loved ones will greet you in the next stage of your journey, that in fact you were never separated at all, but just taken time out from the fun and games to get some learning here on earth. And before you know it, in the blink of an eye, you're home. Surrounded by love. Soaking in the love. Emitting the love. Being love. 
Bon voyage you beautiful man. Spread your wings and fly home

The Freedom To Choose

I’ve been so far away from my blog the last six months. It’s almost as though I took a backseat to life. I allowed its events and opportunities to whisk me away. Sometimes I got caught up in its drama, other times I tried to control it. And through it all, I learned a valuable lesson. That life, with all it’s ups and downs, good and bad, positives and negatives, is to be lived.

There will be days when fate takes over the reigns from your hands, and all you can do is try to understand why your soul created that experience for you. What is it that you need to learn from it? And that’s when the magic can begin. Once you know, once you understand, the reigns are back in your perfectly manicured or weather-beaten hands. You then have absolute power. Do you choose to accept what was just handed out to you, and live out every minute of that lesson, just to get to its end? Or do you choose to understand the learning of the event, without going through the physical realities it projects onto you?

Life, my love, is a choice. Every moment of every day, we’re choosing. You’re choosing to read this right now. Five minutes ago, you chose something totally different. Tomorrow you’ll chose anew again. You choose what time you want to set your alarm for; you choose whether or not you feel like stretching your arms; you choose when you want to meet someone you love; you choose to go in to work each day; you choose to breathe; you choose to love; you choose to live. And all these choices are so very easy and so seemingly unobvious, that we often forget that every single thing we’ve ever done in our lives has been a choice we’ve made to do those things. We’ve always had the power to choose. We always will. Even those who give up, have chosen to give up. Those who succeed have chosen that path. Those who laugh, have chosen to laugh at that moment, instead of cry. We make choices all the time, about things we don’t even realise the importance of. And those choices are so easy to make, so second nature to us, that we forget that life would have beenn so different had we chosen otherwise; had we opened a door instead of closing it, had we decided to sleep in, instead of wake up, had we decided to say yes instead of no.
And just as these everyday choices are so easy to make, why not the other choices we run away from? A choice is still a choice. The subject of the choice is irrelevant, because the concept of choosing is what you’re dealing with. So if it’s that easy to choose between wearing black or white, reading or sleeping, broccoli or bean sprouts, then why isn’t it just as easy to choose between staying or leaving, loving or hurting, feeling joy or sorrow…
And think of the power you would regain because YOU, and YOU alone, made every single one of those choices. Consciously. Not unknowingly, not because there was no other option (because there always is. Not because it just felt like the right thing. But because beautiful, amazing, wonderful, gorgeous, amazing YOU, chose to do so.

Now revel in the power of the choices you made that brought you to this point, that gave you your power back, that are making you smile right now.
Lucky lucky you. If you had any idea that the angels rejoice and cheer every time you choose for yourself, you’d be a conscious choice-making machine. As if you aren’t already!
Just remember no choice you ever make will be the wrong one. It will always be one that leads you to where you need to be at this moment in time and space.

Time

Time: That fabulous little illusion that drives us crazy – unless we learn to manoeuvre its lack to our advantage.
Confused? Bear with me.
All the theories of time being linear, going through black holes, jumping hoops, not existing in space yet seeming so real on earth... They're all well and good in theory. Practically, it can be confusing, at best.
So let's make this real easy.
Think back to your favourite holiday. Recall your favourite day of that holiday.  Can you imagine how you managed to squeeze so much into just one day? You had time for a big breakfast, time to shower, travel, change buses and trains, get lost, find your way, take a million photographs, shop, laugh, rest, go site-seeing... and all this before lunch!
So what did you just do there?
You stretched the day to allow you to get all you wanted, done.
Now think back to the last big fight you had with your partner – or your ex even . Remember how they slammed the door behind them on their way out? Remember waiting restlessly for them to call or turn up? Remember looking at your watch every two minutes, surprised that time refused to pass?
Remember how that panic-struck hour felt like eternity?
Of course you do.
Congratulations. You've just unravelled the mystery of time.

Time may seem to be the controlling factor, but in effect, its really easy to manipulate.
You can sit and stare in someone's eyes and live eternity in an hour, or make yourself sick to the stomach and stretch an hour into eternity.

At the end of the day, time is invisible. It's just energy. As are the molecules and atoms that make up your body. So if you and time have originated from the same source of energy, who's to say you don't have the power to manipulate, mould and bend it as you wish?

And you wonder why some people continue looking so young at 60?

What if?

Did I have to go through so much hurt before I could finally ask the questions: Who am I? Why am I here? Or did I have to go through the hurt because I asked those questions?
Does knowledge lead to loneliness or does loneliness lead to knowledge?
Did Siddhartha emerge as the Buddha because he chose the silent path to enlightenment? Or did walking down that lonely road create a Buddha?

In layman's terms, it's the chicken and the egg situation repeating itself time and time again, life after life, century after century.
And let's just face it. If in the past three billion years we haven't been able to figure it out, do you really think the answer's about to emerge anytime soon?
What if we just live it, instead of question it?
Why meddle around incessantly. when it's so much easier to just let it be? All these billions of years, millions of lives, thousands of incarnations, and we still haven't learnt to let go and let be.

Do you need to know how saffron is grown, to relish its flavour?
Do you need to know how a star got there, to enjoy its beauty?
Or what made the sun shine, to soak in its warmth?

So here's the thing. I'm trying it. Maybe you could too?
Just maybe, for the tiniest of seconds at first, while we find our feet, we forget about the why's, the when's and the how's.
Just for now. Just for a wee bit. Leave the how's to whatever lies out there.
What if, just for now, we chose to enjoy the end result, instead of wondering how we got here.
What if we could return a stranger's smile without questioning his motive? What if we took his smile for what it is:  a beautiful smile from a beautiful person. What if we allowed that beautiful person to love us, without wondering why he does? What if we returned that love, without the fear of hurt? What if we lived in the moment, in all its purity and beauty?
And just if, what if, living in this moment felt so liberating that it became a way of life?

Tomorrow doesn't yet exist. Yesterday may never even have been. Today's all there is. This moment, right now, is all we've really got.
And would it really be that scary to enjoy a stranger's smile? To walk down that road, even if on your own, because the journey there is worth it? To receive knowledge and wisdom, regardless of your deeds? To stop judging and start allowing.

So take off those blinkers. They went out of fashion so very long ago. See it for what it is.
Breathe. Relax. Laugh. Love.
That's all you need to do. That's all you've ever needed to do.
And don't you see? It really is that simple, after all.

Letting Go

When someone leaves your life, there’s a huge void created.
That void’s always a learning. It only means you’re clearing up the clutter, making more space to recreate from a much higher perspective.
People sometimes leave your life because you stopped vibrating on the same level. They go because they have their karma to fulfill and you have karma to fulfill, and when that karma’s done, one of two things can happen. They could move on and go far away from your world and you'll both be very happy. Or they'll come bouncing back in, even better for you than they ever were before.
And all that depends on one thing and one thing only: your ability to love and respect yourself. It will mirror in the person you create in your life.
For me, for now, this I know: The more I can love me, the more someone's going to love me someday.
And how grand will that be, hey?

Filling the gaps

Isn’t it amazing how some people seem to fit right in? Like an old glove you’ve rediscovered, a favourite pair of jeans, your childhood blankie, mum’s arms, familiar whispers, an old soul come back.
Some people spend their entire life trying so very hard to mesh their lives with yours and it remains a struggle. Others don’t have to try at all. They fit perfectly well into the gap you created for them, a gap you instinctively knew the measurements of, a gap they slid into so easily that they’re already embedded there before you even realise that they got in.
Why? Because they were meant to. Because for every tear you shed, the universe swaps it for twice as many smiles. For every time you have your heart broken, the universe sends you someone new, someone who resonates on your vibration, who emits the same frequency as you. Someone who, naturally, will fill all your gaps, as you will theirs. Until forever. Or one of you changes their vibration. Then the cycle begins again.

Signboards along the way

Soul mate. That important person you keep bumping into time and again, life after life.

I met one 3 months ago. In Egypt. Something pulled me to Egypt. It was sudden and out of nowhere. Something pulled him back to Egypt, after 6 years of being away. And suddenly, there we were, on a train in the middle of nowhere. Me having come from the furtherest corner of the East and him from the furtherest corner of the West. And we collided on a train that ran along the Nile.

Four days later, that train really did collide. But that’s another story.

I felt like I knew him forever. I know he felt the same. But we came from two different worlds, had two entirely different lives, were two very different people, and after two days, we’d be leaving each other to go back to our own little universe.

At another point in my life I bumped into another one. He was my Frenchman from Nepal. And he came hurling into my life headfirst. I knew that I knew him. He knew he’d always known me. Our meeting was brief. Enchanting. Magical. Powerful. His eyes felt like home. I knew he was yet another reminder that I was walking down the path I had once chosen for myself.

The universe had given me another sign. Another signal to say I’m going where I have to.

For when you start walking down the path you once preordained for yourself, the universe will put up signboards along the way to show you you’re going in the right direction. Most often, these signs have been agreed upon many many eons ago, before we came into this body, a sign that subconsciously, our soul would recognize as a marker for walking down the right road.

One of the most undeniably prominent signs we get is the bolt of lightning thing. When you meet a someone you’ve bonded with over your lives, you soul will inevitably recognize that person and will give you a heads up with a jolt through your system when  you make contact with that other person.

I’ve met many souls I recognize from past lives. But only two of them have had the lightning bolt effect on me.

The first was X. The second is the stranger from Egypt. A stranger I met for only 2 days, a stranger I’ve known longer than I’ve been alive. And believe me, when we meet soul mates such as these, it’s never random. There’s always a reason.

X had perhaps the strongest lesson of my life to teach me. I had to learn about love, I had to learn about loss, I had to learn about dependence, and independence, I had to learn about lack and abundance, I had to learn about fidelity and infedility, jealousy and acceptance, about learning, growing, letting go… But perhaps the most important role he played in my life was of tour guide. He took me on one of the most beautiful holidays of my life and at the end of the trip, left me at my final destination: the road back to myself. If it wasn’t for X taking me to the lowest point of my life, I wouldn’t have initiated the conversation with my own soul. If he hadn’t touched my knee, I wouldn’t have learnt the lesson of unconditional love. If he hadn’t left me, I would never have learnt the lesson of pain. If 4 years down the line, he hadn’t been cheating on me, I would never have learnt the lesson of letting go.

The man from Egypt taught me an entirely different lesson. About survival, fear and friendship. We were paying back a karmic debt.

Every soulmate has their own reasons for being in your life. We often block out soulmates and their lessons because they may seem extraordinarily harsh to us. Take for example, a boss who makes it his life’s mission to complicate your working day. Naturally, he’s high on your must-avoid list of people. Ever considered though that that boss might just be your soulmate? He's being hard for a reason. He has a lesson to teach you, a lesson you once asked him to teach you. However, the rules of the game dictate we forget our pacts when we descend down here, right? So here on earth, we refuse to acknowledge the fact that someone we hate so much might just be a soulmate teaching us something important. People like the idea of romanticizing soulmates. And that’s beautiful. There’s nothing wrong in indulging in a bit of romance. Or even a whole lot of it. But let’s not allow the love to blind us to the facts. Every single person, past, present or future, in your life, making an impact of some sort, is a soulmate.
They're here because they love you. They're here because you love them. Because you allowed them to be here in your life. You don't always have to embrace them. Just honour their reasons for being there, And learn the lesson they've come to teach you.

Rock Bottom

Hitting rock bottom only means one thing: You have nowhere else to go but up.

Funny then that so many people don’t see that. Being on a low means the high you’ll reach will be so much more exhilarating than if you were to have reached it from a middle. Like a bungee jump. If you’re gonna do it anyway, would you rather jump off the midpoint and experience only half the thrill or go all the way to the top and experience the entire jump for what it really is. Your freefall would take your breath away so much more than just a jerk on an elastic cord. You would fly. Literally. Why would anyone, in their right mind, deprive themselves of that sensation just to play it safe and reach only midway?
That’s life too. That’s everything. All or Nothing. And All means so much more once you know Nothing. Even Nothing becomes beautiful in itself because it’s acceptance of the Nothing that leads to the knowledge of the All.
For everyone reading this who’s at that Nothing point in their life, rejoice, rejuvenate, celebrate. You’re one of the lucky few who gets to experience it all, in it’s its most majestic form. Thank your lucky stars, embrace the nothingness of the moment, and then start moving on up.

Beginnings, endings and lessons learnt

It is the end today. But also the beginning.
The year taught me a lot. It has been one of the most important years of my life. The lessons of this year have been invaluable.
It taught me to let go. I showed me sorrow, it showed me pain, but it also showered me with love, abundance, joy, wealth, new opportunities and old souls who would never have come into my life, had I not created the mess I did.
Yes, 2009 was a year of unexpected twists and turns. I had to clear out the old before attracting the new. I had to learn the meaning of love, so I could learn the meaning of loss. And I had to learn about loss, before learning of the beauty of love.
It’s been a year I will never forget. A year of changes and surprises. A year of love.
A year which would never have been what it was if I wasn’t blessed with the souls who make up my family. And by family, I mean my soul family… Mum Dad, Za Anu, Noor, Traill, Bianca, Allan, Gladys, Sneaks, Tia, and who knows, who else. I'm sure there are still a few out there I haven't met yet.
I’m blessed, me.

Life's cycles

Ever wonder what people from your life do when they leave your life? Do they still giggle at nothing, playfight with the air, indulge in heavy Friday morning breakfasts, relish the planning of their next holiday? Or do they just turn into someone else and start doing things you’ve never seen them do. Like bungee jump off the mountains, or meditate in the ruins of a temple in an ancient Arabian land or take a walk through some of their past lives, adopt an animal… Do they still laugh from their middle, love from their hearts, get rid of their masks and step out brand new?
Because that’s what I think they do. See, I believe in people. I know we go on. We regenerate. We change skins, we adopt new faces, new bodies, new lifetimes, new loves, new people, new lands, new beginnings. We don’t end. Like the energy we’re made of, we transform into someone else. Someone that the people from our lives don’t know once they leave our lives. We become bigger. Better. Stronger.
There’s really no point wondering what people from your life do once they’re not in your life because you’ll never know about their transformation from an ugly duckling into a swan. You’ll never see them swan-dive off a bridge, or feel their vibration when they meditate in the ruins, or witness the powerful regeneration of their soul. How would you react to them then? Like you would to a stranger?

Hello nice to meet you... You remind of someone I used to know once, but no… you couldn’t possibly be. But hey! You do big breakfasts too? Nice. Jump off of mountains into nothingness below? Yeah, I once knew someone who had a similar dream... Doubt they’d ever have your kind of courage though. So anyway, nice to meet you Stranger. I wish you well. I will remember you because I feel like I know you somehow. And yet, of course I don’t... I used to know someone who would love to meet someone like you. Someone who deep within had the desire to live your life. But not your courage... Ah well. Be safe. Fly high.
And then they’d walk away from you, shaking their head in confusion. I swear I feel like I know this person, they’d be thinking. And they couldn’t be more right. Or more wrong.

And you? Would you realise you too were meeting someone who was once in your life? Wouldn’t they have evolved since they stopped being a part of your life? Because that’s how some of life’s biggest lessons are learnt. That’s how caterpillars grow beautiful multi-hued wings that they spread and fly away with when they metamorph into butterflies.
Those who chose to leave your life only entered it for a reason in the first place. The reason being to make you love them so much that them, and only them, would be the one to teach you some of your most invaluable life lessons. Pain is your biggest teacher. Without pain you’ll never truly understand what it feels like to be painfree. You’d never appreciate happy if you didn’t know sad. You wouldn’t recognize a good soul if you haven’t met a few bad ones.
Life’s lessons are strange. But they’re there for a reason. Just as the people in your life are. Just as those who left your life are. So what do they do once they leave your life? Will they ever be recognizable to you again? Maybe not. But does it even matter? You’re not recognizable to them either. And therein lies the beauty of it all. The eternal enigma of love, life, lessons and learning.

Love is

There’s more I need to say. To you, to them, to myself… But the words won’t do justice. I’m putting my feelings on the page instead. I hope you feel them, understand them.

Love can’t die. Contrary to what the spurned and heartbroken say, love cannot die. It’s physically impossible, in as much a way as love can be physical. But more often than not, love is an emotion, it’s a feeling, a thought, a knowing. It’s energy. It’s alive. And just because we can’t touch it, doesn’t mean it isn’t alive, right?

RIght Here, Right Now

If we only understood that time, that little nonexistant, illusionary wave sweeping over us, could make such a big difference, we'd endure it all, face every single hardship and heartbreak head on, because after all's said and done, time really is on our side. For every tear you've ever shed, time will bring you a smile, for every moment of panic you've suffered, time will replace it with joy, for every heartbreak, time will give you love. 
Yes, time plays its games. But who doesn't? And at the end of it all, time's just an illusion anyway. Just like everything else around you. Your only reality remains you. 
It makes me wonder, if time is such a great ally and really does replace tears with smiles in due course, then the understanding of it's illusionary nature should mean that the tears need not be in the present and the smiles in the future. Why not manipulate time so that the tears are already in the past, and the smile appears in the only moment that ever counts anyway. Right now. This moment. This second. For that's all we have anyway. The past is over and done with. The future's too far away. And isn't set in stone in any case. All we have is now. And Now can change everything else. What you do now can change what will happen to you tomorrow. How you feel now can overwrite an incident that caused pain in the past to an incident that taught you a great lesson. We're blessed, we are. Because we have the Now. Yet how many of us actually use this Now to our advantage?
Why wait to see what tomorrow brings if it's in our power to create the tomorrow we want? Why are we so afraid of the Now, when in fact, it's the only thing we ever really have?

New beginnings

Here's what I love about new beginnings. The promise of tomorrow, of not knowing what lies in store, but knowing without a shadow of a doubt, that's it's gonna be exactly what you ordered up in heaven, when you were planning this glorious adventure you are on now.
If you only knew what greatness lies in store, you'd be whooping your way through every single heartbreak, redundancy and peniless moment. If you only knew that the biggest leaps, the most courageous jumps and the best adventures come from starting anew, you'd be grinning from ear to ear, morning, noon, night.
You may as well start grinning though, cause chances are, if the universe has brought you to read this post, it's because it's also made you close a door somewhere in your life, and you're at the point, hovering between here and there, uncertain of what the future holds. But fear not, my well-travelled friend. The path we're on now, is the path of greatness, of glory, of songs sung at the top of our lungs, without a care of hitting A sharp, or B flat. It's singing Sinatra's words to the tune of your life. The path you've chosen today, is the one that you predestined for yourself once oh-so-long-ago. It's the path which has signboards along the way, secret little signboards propelling you in the right direction, if you'd only slow down long enough to look. And what's the hurry anyway? You're destined to reach the grand finale, complete with your name up in lights, and groupies following your every move, as you take to the stage to sing "I Did It My Way".

P.S. It always has been your way. You just didn't realise that contrary to you being in the shadows, the spotlight was on you all along. You chose not to notice it, because... well I don't know your becauses. Maybe that's just you doing it your way.
And may I add, up there in heaven, all the angels and fairies are fighting their way for front row seats to see you enact part 2 of your grand play.

My story

Letting go is painful. It’s toxic. It’s like waxing the most delicate part of your body. It’s shite and it hurts. But it’s necessary if you want a new radiant you.
So necessary, in fact, that I’m going to make this post personal. This one’s about me. About my lessons of letting go. About my self-created hurt, my loss of power. Yeah, this is about me and X. And yet it’s not. It’s got everything to do with X, and yet it has nothing to do with X. It’s got everything to do with me. About my inability to let him go from within. My lack of power over myself.
But today is a new day. It’s a new girl wandering around her universe, noticing the beauty within. Only just realizing all over again that the minute she’s complete within, it doesn’t matter if she’s with or without. It only matters whether the inside is a whole or a broken part. And sure, a lot of us are amalgamations of various broken parts. But what if we took all those broken parts, collected them together, waved our magic wand and fused them to each other? Seamlessly, effortlessly, perfectly fused every single chipped and worn away bit within us, to create a magical new whole. We’d be complete, I’d be complete. I am complete. I am whole. The wand has been waved. The parts have all fused, the wheel’s turned full circle, and the soul is whole. The girl is complete.
X is gone. Sent away with so much unconditional, pure love. Far away. So he doesn’t chip off a chunk of the new. That emotion has been worn out and depleted. The well’s run dry and now that the draught is nearing its end, I’m just waiting for the next rainfall to fill up the well all the way to the brim.
It’s been hard, this journey of letting go. It’s even harder watching the person you love tell you how much they love someone else. Watching the man you love cry his eyes out for another woman is the toxic, ripping hair out of its roots from your bikini line for the first time, painful moment. But as soon as the strip’s been pulled off hard and fast, and a soothing gel applied to all the bumps and cuts that have come up as a result, you walk out the salon, straight to the beach, with the hottest bod, sexiest bikini and smoothest skin. And I’d bet my bottom dollar that a whole new pair of eyes, or multiple pairs of eyes, glance lingeringly at you. They may notice the cuts on your skin, they may notice how it’s still slightly red and raw, but they will also notice how perfect and unblemished it is. They’d see the courage it took to rip off the unwanted, to be bare, raw and exposed, with your head held high, and courage written over every pore of your perfect new skin.
Yes, letting someone go hurts more than you thought you were capable of hurting. But the newness that emerges from accepting, forgiving, forgetting and moving on, is stark… beautiful. The woman who emerges strong, silent and smiling from a long dark tunnel, is the most powerful one of all.
This post is mine. That woman is me. Nearing the end of that tunnel, able to see the light at the end, refusing myself permission to turn around, look behind, say a last goodbye, or run back to the start. This woman has walked the path of the dark and lonely. She’s spent many a night lost in the endless darkness, stumbling over the bumps and curves in the tunnel. And now she sees the end. She sees a way out. She believes in today. She’s assured of tomorrow. She’s confident, so confident that it will bring her exactly what she wants it to bring her. My tomorrow may attract a new, recreate an old, or invent the unheard. But it will come, my tomorrow. I just have to live through today first. Enjoy today. Accept the moment. Live in the now. Every perfect now will eventually add up, a string of divine perfection, creating eternal bliss, a permanent state of joy in my heart. And for that, cords had to be cut. Energies had to shift. The man had to go. The girl had to be alone.
Goodbye X. Be happy, be pure, go out there and find your love, find yourself. Create your new day. I wish you the best.

The magic of you

What may appear to be a slap in the face, might just be a blessing in disguise. You may be getting the best gift of your life, just packaged in the wrong way.

When you feel like it isn’t going right, the plan’s gone awry, or the life’s gone off-track, be grateful for that moment. For it is only in those moments where we have nothing, can we begin to create from scratch.

When the slate’s blank, we can pretty much write whatever we want to on it. We start a brand new story with enough space for all our twists and turns and plot-hangers.

It’s like going shopping for new clothes. If your wardrobe is so full there isn’t even a millimeter of hanging space left, where are you going to fit those new clothes? Wouldn’t you need to empty out the clutter first?

So when you feel all alone, deserted, abandoned, abused, misused, misunderstood… thank your lucky stars for the opportunity to clear out the old and replace it with a brand new You. A You that up to this point only existed in your wildest fantasies.

Cause you see, you’re never really deserted or abandoned or misunderstood in the first place. You can’t ever be alone as long as you have you. And even through the lowest point in your life, when everyone else turns away into their own world, you’re still left with the single most important person in your life: You.

And when you get together with You, miracles happen, rainbows are created and there’s magic everywhere.

Moon Goddess

Another full moon. Another date with destiny. Another chance to bathe in the moonlight and cleanse myself of the negative energies of the past month. Another opportunity to recharge and rejuvenate.
I love my moon, me. She never fails to be there. As loyal as the sun. As mysterious as space. As perfect as a pebble. As cracked as a rock. She embodies virtues of perfectionism, yet unabashedly flaunts her flaws, her cracks showing us that one needn’t be perfect to be beautiful. Even a soul with holes can still be complete from within.
Like the moon, we too are gods and goddesses, ebbing and flowing to the tides of the universe. We shine bright, lie low, wane, wax, appear and disappear. But we remain. Eternal. Magnificent. Majestic. Walking the path of love. Giving light when we’re called upon. Providing shelter when the need arises. Knowing when to hide in the shadows and when to come out and make a stand.
There’s a lot to learn from the moon. She’s the goddess of the night. The shelter for the weary.
She isn’t the sun. She doesn’t always shine bright and perky, day in and day out. She’s a bid moody, the moon. But that’s her charm. Therein lies her beauty, her mystery. She’s a woman in every sense of the word. Playing catch-me-if-you-can games. Moving in and out of the spotlight, shedding old skin and growing a new coat, living out her whims and fancies, celebrating her mood-swings… the charming, beguiling, mysterious witch that she is. That I am. That so many of us are. And we are. Some of us just don’t know it yet.

Game of life

For once, let’s not go into the whole mind-soul explanation. For this time, let’s focus on the here and now, on this moment, this reality, this existence, this life. The life we have now, however much we may want to call it an illusion, is one that would never come back again. We may have another hundred lives ahead of us, or maybe even none. But this one, the life in which you are you right now, is a one-shot game. Mess it up and you’ve lost your hand.
Play your cards well and you’ll walk away with pride intact.
Sure, there will be some scary moments along the way. Aren’t there always? But we forget the immense power we possess to mould our lives into what we want them to be. We have the ability to create and destroy. Yet, so many only learn the self-destruct function instead of the co-creator one.
Why though? Hasn’t “life” given us enough examples of always giving a second chance? New opportunities always follow closed doors, the tears are inevitably replaced by a smile and a last kiss has always preceded a first kiss.
So sure, you’ll argue and fight your way through the end of a relationship, cry yourself silly, scream, shout, rant and rave, hide in a corner, sulk, moan and groan. And then, guess what? The universe creates its little miracle. Before you know it, there a new face in your life, a new soul your heart beats for and moonlight kisses to gently wipe away those tears.
And with its traditional fanfare and trumpets blowing, those girls in their cheerleader skirts and pompoms are holding your name up in the lights because You have truly emerged the star, the Victorious One. The one life never did manage to defeat. You’re the cheered and admired one who did believe in second chances, or third, or fourth, or twenty-fifth chances even. And you do know why the universe gave you all those chances, don’t you? Because you believed it was your total and absolute right to have those chances. You never gave up even for a second. And the universe, in all its glory, always, always gives back to you exactly what you believe in.
So don’t waste your chances believing that you’re not entitled them. Remember that this is a game after all, and you’re still a player, you still have your hand, and you know what else? Unbeknownst to all others, you hold the trump card. The belief card. It’s yours to play whenever you feel the need to, or want to, or even just for kicks. It’s your card. And if you look at your hand closely enough, you’ll see that you have the Belief card in multiples.
So keep playing your game, keep believing, keep winning. You’ll get exactly what you think you deserve to get. And you are you, after all. Surely you deserve nothing less than the best!

09.09.09

It's the 9th day of the 9th month of the 9th year. It's also Metro day here in Dubai, but that's another story for another time.

So, all these 9s... They don't just happen for no reason. Nothing ever happens for no reason. This blog entry, you reading it, life, the universe, cosmos, people, plants, animals, numbers.... there's a reason behind everything.

So what is it about all these 9s in our life today? The angels connected for a chat this morning. Beautiful beautiful majestic angels in every shape and size. I asked them why all these 9s, why now, what are they trying to tell us?

That it's the beginning of an ending, they told me. Individually, locally, globally and universally, a chapter is ending, an era's coming to a close, and today, they said, marks the start of that end.

And you know what endings signify, don't you? Nothing can end without something new beginning. If the new doesn't begin, there will be a gap of nothingness, a black hole of sorts. But even a black hole is a something. For it to have a name, a shape, a form, a concept, makes it something. It's alive. It's aware. It just is. It's Something.

Nothing on the otherhand means just that. Nothing. And with nothing, there is nothing. And with no thing, there is no being. With no being, there is no you, or me, or us or them. And yet here we are. We're all here. You, me, us, them, him, her... We're all right here, a screaming reminder that it's not nothing. And in order for the Nothingness to cease, it needs to be replaced with a Something. That something is a new beginning. Our little world is seeing a brand new chapter in its history.

The angels say we're at the beginning of the end. But since matter, time and space is all an illusion anyway, what beginning, what end are they referring to? More conversation with the angels reveal thoughts of transformation.

We're inching out of one phase and sliding into the next. We're in the process of a transformation, they say. A universal transformation. A morphing of the old us, into the new us. A morphing which begins right here, right now, today. Slowly sliding forward to a universal awareness of a newness.

Of what though? What's ending in your life, what new are you moving towards? Are you in the process of walking out of one doorway and in through another? Will you remain You, or will a whole new You emerge? Is this a rest period before you make your grand appearance, or are you still in the last act of the play? Has your new life begun? Are you on its threshold? Are you excited? Nervous? Apprehensive? Cautious? Carefree? Rebellious? Or are you just YOU? Minus the layers, without the frills, the masks and the blinders. Just you, raw, pure and ready to embrace all thought, follow the footsteps of peace and journey towards love, a new beginning, new hope for the Earth. New opportunities of ascension, higher vibrations than ever before, an awakening of the soul-mind, an acceptance of the bigger picture...

So go ahead, take a bow, soak in the adoration, lap up the applause, cause this drama is just about to end, and you, the star, are moving on to an entirely new production.