Destiny, Dreams & Drama

Do you believe that some things in life are not meant to be? I did, then I didn’t, then I did, then I didn’t again, and now I just don’t know any more.
I used to think I could control destiny. That we were allies. But she let me down so often she almost turned into the opposition. And every time we’d wave the white flag, the next battle would crop up and again she’d outdo me. Sometimes I’d win, but mostly she would. Today, she’s just confused me. I don’t know whether she’s on my side any longer or not. On the one hand, she introduced me to The Universe and we became fast friends. He’s my shoulder to lean on any time of any day. On the other hand, she often fought unfairly, taking away the very presents she once bestowed on me so lavishly. Now she gives me occassional glimpses of those presents, teasing, taunting almost, of what once was, what could have been, what never might again. And her games have just confused me to the point that I don’t even know if she’s doing this to hurt me, or to make me stronger. I think it’s the latter, but every now and then, this tiny nagging little doubt crops up in my head. What if I’m being played? What if this? What if that? Too many what ifs and not enough answers. And then my friend The Universe steps in and reassures me that this is what I wanted all along, long before I even stepped foot in this body. He reassures me for a while, until confusion tries rearing its head. And therefore this entry.
It’s this meeting with tonight’s full moon that I’ve been planning for a few weeks now. Been really excited about it, to the point of attracting 6 other people to this union, and now destiny might just change her mind about it. I’m not cribbing. Maybe the moment isn’t right. It’s a night of letting go, and maybe I’m not ready to let go yet. Maybe I’m not ready to let my past go, and that’s the only letting go I have to do. I know it will happen when I’m ready. I think I’m ready. I’d like to be ready. But what if I’m not? What if none of us are ever ready for the very thing our conscious mind is holding on to for dear life? The thing that we believe our heart and soul is addicted to. Our lifeline of sorts. Can one every be ready to throw away the lifeline and take a chance on life instead? That’s my million-star question. Do I have the courage? Should I have the courage? Is this one of those action moments, or one where I should drift with the tide? But wouldn’t that make me deadwood?
Does everyone have this many questions? It reminds me of a note The Universe wrote me last month. He said:

Muby, in life there will always be challenges that have manifested, and dreams that haven't. But they'll always pale in comparison to the number of dreams that have manifested, and challenges that haven't.Just look around you.
You are my dream come true,
The Universe

And there I go, getting my wings back, knowing nothing can let me down or disappoint me, except my inability to understand that I already have it all, all the answers are within me, and I can manipulate the outcome to whatever I want it to be. It’s that mind-numbingly simple. It honestly is. So simple that most of us don’t believe it can be true if it’s that easy. But it is easy, and we are powerful and we can do just about anything we want, have whatever we’d like, be whoever we want to be. The key lies in first visualizing it, then accepting it, acting upon it, and finally forgetting the hows and whys of how this massive miracle came to be. Fact is, it did come to be. And all because you created the notion to manifest it into reality. Mike’s not lying when says thoughts become things. Listen to the man. He knows what he’s talking about. But more than him, listen to you. Listen to your head and your heart. They won’t lie to you. Obey your gut instinct. It comes from your middle. From your very core. And your core is the real you. You won’t lie to you now, will you?