Conquering sadness

Sadness exists. Even the brightest of us are prone to bouts of tears, moments when we let the floodgates open and release all our pent-up toxins and worry. And that in itself is a healing process. Or so I’m told. Yet, if I were to say it the way it is, being sad only makes me sadder. Crying only makes it worse and the first bout of depression only leads to deeper stages of depression. That said, we are human. We will be sad. We will cry, scream and wail.

So how do we rise above it, without letting go of our basic instinct to hurt, or to feel? How can we not let that one voice, that single memory or that one name get the better of us? How to reach that point where you’re floating above the hurt and pain? Where you see it but don’t feel it? You acknowledge its presence, but not let it overpower you?

The only way I know is what my wise friend N told me: To forgive. Forgive yourself, forgive the other person, forgive the moment, forgive the universe. He made me understand that the person who’s hurt us most is just a face for that hurt. The same depth of pain could have been caused by any other face, yet the universe chose to make it this face. Why? Just because. Doesn’t matter why. What matters is we realise that no other person is responsible for our happiness or unhappiness. They’re just the face of it. Therefore, we need to forgive ourselves and we need to forgive the universe for the moment our paths crossed, for the moment emotions were formed, for the moment we allowed ourselves to fall. 

With so much forgiving and accepting to do, one would think we wouldn’t even have time left over to feel the hurt or pain any more. But instead of focusing on forgiving, we tend to focus on the anger, the need for revenge, for retribution, or even just proving a point. All we’re doing there is focusing on our ego. And trust me, there isn’t a single positive emotion your ego has ever created. None.

So what now? What’s the point of all this? Is it just the inane ramblings of a girl born two decades too late? The yak of a single woman trying to make it in this world? Or conversation straight from the heart? Because that’s what it is. All of it. A single girl conveying the messages of her heart to a world she should have seen 20 years before she did.

There’s my little secret.

Stay in peace