My Little Secret

Here’s the thing. And it’s not just a thing. It’s a huge thing. It’s more thing than any thing could ever be. My x factor. My little piece of manna. My light. My love. My peace. My soul. My guiding light. My shoulder to lean on. My all. And it’s there. It’s always there. So near, so far, maybe, maybe not, a possibility, an option, a forever, a never, a missed opportunity, or an old present in new packing. Let’s call this thing-bigger-than-a-thing my certain ne je sais quoi x-factor. Bouncing around. Bouncing in, bouncing out, bouncing back, bouncing away, forever bouncing, forever flying, flitting and fleeing, but like a homing pigeon, always to return, back to a heart that’s home. Always there, but never quite. Far away, but not too far.
What do you call that? Mystery? Confusion? Faith? Belief? Magic? A source of power? Or just nothing. For no name would justify, no stereotype would fit. I’d rather just have an x factor to my life. One that no one can put a finger on. Except me, that is.